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How to win an argument

How to win an argument

“A man convinced against his will, is of the same opinion still!”  Benjamin Franklin

#How to win an argument

You really want to win this argument?
Courtesy of www.theguardian.com

How to win an argument?

YOU CAN’T!

What happens when you beat someone down into agreeing with you, just for the sake of stopping the argument?

Losers don’t get mad, they get even!  That’s right; you just make enemies for the future!

So, #how to win an argument, really?

You must understand what goes on in someone’s mind while they are having an argument, or when they are angry or upset or afraid, and learn to work with it, harness their emotional state, so they can be better people and work through the issue.  Only then, do you learn how to win an argument.  And it’s not by winning the argument!

What DOES go on in someone’s mind while they are angry?

To understand this, you need to understand a little basic psychology – it will only take about a minute.

When someone is angry, fearful, upset, sad, depressed, terrified or even just bored, their mind is not in a state where rational thought is possible for them.  All they can do is react to stimuli.  That’s right, like an animal!  They are operating from the reactionary part of their mind, the old animal part, the part that was there when we were a species living in caves, frightened of the dark and sabre toothed tigers.  We HAD to react, to survive.  In effect, this part of the brain is survival territory, where the only instincts are fight, or flight!

How is this valuable, when all you want to know is how to win an argument?

#How to win an argument

blub, blub, blub…
Courtesy of www.stthomasblog.com

If you picture someone who is in one of these states, imagine that they are underwater.  You have to raise them up, so they can breathe, hear your question and respond.  Underwater, all they can do is thrash about, trying to survive.

How do you raise the mind up from those depths?

Ask it a question.  It really IS that simple.

Not any question.  “How’s the weather down there?” might not get the right response.

But if you are arguing with someone, or they want to argue with you, here’s a question that will work:

“HOW can WE sort THIS out?”

There is a VERY specific structure to this question.

An argument has two sides, both adversarial, against each other.  “You did it!”  “I did not!”  And never the twain shall meet, because they are both down in that animal survival instinct area.

But when you ask “HOW can WE sort THIS out?” you have triggered something that the mind is programmed to respond to.  The first part is WE.

#How to win an argument

WE are sorting THIS out!
Image from www.last.fm

Rather than adversarial combatants, you have just grouped yourself with them on a team of two, against THIS, the subject of the argument.  You introduced a third-party to the discussion, and put yourself on-side with them, against this third-party.  That third-party, the issue, is now a problem you work on solving, together!

And you asked a processing question, HOW.  The mind cannot process while down in those depths, so it comes up – sometimes only for a moment, but it comes up to process, into a state of mind where it IS rational, where it CAN respond intelligently, and think about a genuine answer to your question.  However fleeting, you got their mind up to where it can process.

What is THIS part of the mind?

This is where the emotions of interest, exploring, asking, and leading up to enthusiasm, happiness and bliss are found.  This is where people get enjoyment out of creating, communicating, playing, enjoying doing things.  And the lower levels of this, around interest and asking, is where you raised the level of their state of mind to by asking a question.

It may almost immediately seem to sink into the depths again.  Be encouraged that you got it to move the first time.  Try again.  Ask “WHAT can WE do to fix THIS up?”  And again:  “HOW can WE resolve THIS ISSUE?”

Their mind is now processing all those questions, the more you ask them, up to a point of course, the more they need to process them.  However, the mind can’t be in two places at once.  It can’t remain angry about THIS ISSUE while processing questions about it, and their anger will subside enough for a rational, if still heated discussion to take place.

Key point 1:  How to win an argument is not how to win an argument, but how to raise the emotional tone of the person’s mind so that you can communicate with them, rather than just get reactions from them.  Do this by asking HOW, WHAT, WHERE, WHEN to get them processing.

#How to win an argument

All in this together!
Image from suvendubabu.blogspot.com

Key point 2:  How to win an argument is not how to win an argument, but how to work with the other person to resolve an issue.  When you put WE into your question, you join forces with them.

Key point 3:  How to win an argument is not how to win an argument, but how to stop being the focus of their anger, and put the focus on the issue!  Play the issue, not the person.  Make the issue the protagonist, to recipient of their energy, not you.

Where to from here?

If you learn to use this language pattern in your everyday communications, you will have many fewer arguments.  #How to win an argument will no longer be an issue – this is a negotiation technique superior to anything else out there, because it prevents the argument happening!  When you find a discussion descending into those depths, your adept use of questions will quickly bring it back up and resolve the issue, whilst you maintain your relationship…

Think back – how many times would this have solved a problem, or prevented an argument for you?

To learn this way of thinking, and to create your own supportive environment around you to encourage this to become your natural language, it’s worth looking at a structured program to assist you to develop it.  Check out this blog.

Or check out the Life Changing program here.

If you know other people who want to know how to win an argument, or who you feel would find this post valuable, please reblog it or share it with them.  Let’s add some more value to this world!

Til next time, fair winds and full sails!

Ray

“We can not solve our problems with the same level of thinking that created them” ― Albert Einstein

Commitment Phobia

#Commitment Phobia

image from news.cision.com

“The quality of a person’s life is in direct proportion to their commitment to excellence, regardless of their chosen field of endeavor.” Vince Lombardi

What is Commitment Phobia?

You know THAT GOAL you set?  Yes, that one.  How serious are you about it?  How committed are you?

Pretty serious?  Fairly committed?  Really serious?  Fair dinkum?  Really….?

OK, no more stories – give me a number.

On a scale of 1-100, how committed are you to achieving THAT GOAL?

No reasons, no stories.  Just give me the number.

Is your number 100?

Congratulations, you ARE totally committed!

Is it less than 100?  If so, why bother with that goal?

Do you have what is called Commitment Phobia?

“If you deny yourself commitment, what can you do with your life?”  Harvey Fierstein

If your car broke down on the side of the road and someone stopped and offered to help, but you said, “OK, but can I finish this carton of beer first?” what do you think their response would be?

Something like:  “Well, if you are not serious about getting home, then I see no reason to put myself out to help you!”

It’s a bit like that with goalsetting, the Universe, and the “Laws of Attraction”…

The guy kneeled beside his bed and prayed:  “Lord, please help me to win the lottery”.  He prayed for hours, night after night.

After a while, God must have become frustrated with him…  The loud voice boomed:

“At least you could help me to help you.  How about buying a ticket?”

Are you giving yourself EVERY chance to win, to succeed at your goalsetting?  Or are you asking your God, Angels, Guides or whoever you pray to, to do all the work for you?  It doesn’t work that way.  You have to at least have the ticket, to play the game and have a chance of winning!  Spectators don’t win games, only the players in the arena get to stand on the podium!

#Commitment Phobia

Let me think about this a bit more!
Courtesy of www.inspirationalexaminer.com

Commitment Phobia is a funny term.  It is often used to refer to guys who want to ‘play the field’ and not tie themselves down to any one lady.  (Trust me guys, when you get it right, commitment to THE lady is INCREDIBLE!)

However, commitment is a vital part of life, and anything less than total commitment to the task at hand can get us into a lot of trouble!

As a child, I worked with my Dad on our farm.  One day we were using a large steel rope to drag logs around.  Dad’s words were profound and powerful to me as a 9 year old.  I still find they apply every single day!  He said:

“Get a good, strong grip on that rope, like you were going to choke it!  If you don’t give it everything, it will twist out of your hands and hurt you!”

WOW!  How often has THAT happened?  The wire rope could have been that incredible person you met, who you let slip by because you didn’t call them back, or you didn’t think you were good enough….  It could be that job opportunity that went begging because you didn’t get your application in on time because of the weekend BBQ, or you were late to the interview.  Perhaps it was the great job you lost, because you got lazy in it and someone passed you by on the corporate ladder.  Ouch, every time!

How committed were you to all these things, or did you have a form of #commitment phobia standing in your way.  Did you get complacent?  Did you let self-doubt give you commitment phobia?  If it’s important enough, what would you NOT do, to succeed at something that meant everything for you?

#Commitment Phobia

Row, or stay all at sea!
futuresteve.wordpress.com

For those who believed in the inevitability of the ‘middle aged spread’ and other aging myths, who have let their bodies go a little, how serious are you about your health?  Again, give me a number, 1-100.  Anything less than 100, I have to ask, why?  You only get one chance per lifetime to have a healthy body.  Just ask those folks who have been stricken with some crazy and challenging illness that they struggle with daily, just to stay alive!  If you asked them how committed they are, with their last remaining ounce of energy they would bop you.  They don’t have commitment phobia – they cannot afford it!

Neither can you!

Commitment Phobia is a creeping disease.

You begin with a rush of enthusiasm, but it wanes after a while.  Then you begin to find excuses.  Then you realise that it no longer matters, or you tell yourself it doesn’t matter.

#Commitment Phobia

Mother and toddler – love them always.
tipstoahealthy-relationship.blogspot.com

I worked with a guy called Michael who reached a whopping 350 pounds weight, 160 kilograms.  He changed jobs 3 times because he couldn’t physically do the work, before he had his wake-up call.  I asked him why it took severe diabetes and his doctor warning him that he was liable to drop dead at any moment, to stop and rethink his life.  He said that it just crept up on him, a few pounds at a time, and he just kept buying bigger clothes, cars and getting easier jobs until one day, a bicycle shop owner next door to his workplace smiled at him when he walked in the door.  He asked him why he smiled, and he was told that it was almost impossible for him to buy a bicycle to fit him, so what else was he looking for in there…..!  OUCH!  Off to the doctor!

He became committed.  He committed to his life, to his wife and to his toddler daughter…  Within 2 years, he was riding in triathlons, in what is called the “Clydesdales” class, the class dedicated to men over 200 pounds or 90 kilograms weight.  He has since completed a Hawaii Iron Man and has a trophy cabinet to be proud of.  And he has no commitment phobia!  He cannot afford it – diabetes is there, waiting to pounce on him any time he wavers.

#Commitment Phobia

Triathletes at work!
www.picstopin.com

Do you have commitment phobia?

Think about your goals and dreams.  Give yourself a number on them.  If it is less than 100, ask yourself seriously, why you set THAT GOAL.  If it really IS a serious goal or a critical issue for you, then there is a way to get totally committed and shake off that commitment phobia.

Find a way to be passionate about your goals!

Michael thought of his wife and baby girl, and got passionate about life again.  What will make YOU passionate about YOUR goals?  In the Life Change 90 program, you learn about finding your passion, and about redefining your goals so that you live and breathe them and you are excited to get out of bed for them each day.  It takes that sort of passion to guarantee success in achieving your goals.

New Years Resolutions usually have only an 8% success rate, and average goals get as low as 3% success, with partial success around 15%.

If it’s important to you, an 8% chance of success is not good enough.  It MUST be a total commitment, or nothing at all – put your time into something else….

Why is passion vital to overcome commitment phobia?

#Commitment Phobia

www.ankurbakhshi.info
Goethe’s famous quote on Commitment

Because if there is a solid and compelling enough reason for WHY, you WILL find a HOW to achieve that goal.  When failure is just not an option, then you will find a way.

Passion is a powerful driver, but it also pays to work smart, too!  Banging your head against a wall, no matter how passionate you are, will still give you a headache!  Having a success formula to plug into and a supportive environment to work in while going for your dreams is a huge bonus for those with passion.  It gets the goal a lot faster too.  Get your Success Formula HERE NOW!

“Unless commitment is made, there are only promises and hopes; but no plans” Peter F Drucker quotes 

To overcome commitment phobia, check out these blogs, on Systemizing Personal Development and Success Habits.  Leave commitment phobia behind and make your next year your best year yet!

Til next time, fair winds and full sails,

Ray

 

Self Confidence

Self confidence – a function of knowing what you are doing, knowing that you are good at doing it, and knowing the task will be successful.  It’s in your own knowing that you will succeed.

“Believe you can and you’re halfway there.” ― Theodore Roosevelt
#Self Confidence

Of course I can fly!
upwithlifecoaching.com

Recently I wrote about Self Esteem; it has much in common with Self Confidence, but there are significant differences.

Self Esteem is feeling good about you.

Self Confidence is feeling good about your ability to perform in a given situation and knowing you can handle it.

I once gave a talk to a large group and a question around Self Confidence came up.  When asked how it was I could talk so easily in front of so many people, my reply caused a ripple of laughter.  I said “If you were the nursing mothers association, and I was giving a talk on breast feeding, I wouldn’t feel quite so confident!”

When you look at it, I’d have been talking on a subject I knew next to nothing about, to a group of people who were the acknowledged experts.  Both of these are key areas of potential failure – failing because I knew so little, and then being called out by people who knew so much.

Did I have a self confidence problem because I knew I’d fail if I was talking to a Nursing Mothers group?  No, not at all, because I knew I was already good at what I did when in my chosen environment.  I had a confidence benchmark, because I already knew I could speak confidently on my own topics.  It’s not my place to lecture people in their areas of specialty.

“Success is most often achieved by those who don’t know that failure is inevitable.” ― Coco Chanel, Believing in Ourselves: The Wisdom of Women

From there, we can look at how to gain self confidence.  How do you develop self confidence?

Firstly, look for what you are good at.  Doesn’t need to be a major skill set, start small, regardless of whether you are actually a master at something.  Can you tie your shoelaces?  OK.  Can you tie them in a perfectly even bow?  Great.

#Self Confidence

I can tie my shoelaces!
Image from marriagehelp.com

Look at what you have just said about yourself.  You have manual dexterity and an eye for detail.  Where else can you apply those skill sets?

This is the beauty of understanding yourself and getting a little tutoring in self development – your lessons teach you that being good in one area automatically means you are good at other things too – you don’t need to go try everything out to learn that!  You can be CONFIDENT about it, without ever doing it!

The key to self confidence: because you can do one thing well, it means you can also do other things well!  Your skills and abilities are transferable between tasks and challenges.

I hear the Nay-Sayers:  “But there are things I am hopeless at!  Can’t I feel bad about not being good at something?”

That’s your choice, but I’m not going there.  You see, there are things I’m hopeless at too.  Keep me away from a filing cabinet – you don’t want me filing for you!  Not my skillset.  I could lose every important document you ever had in quick time.  But I wouldn’t feel bad about it; because I know it’s not my thing.  I have a filing system arranged for me here, and instructions on what to do with it.  The main file I use is called, wait for it:  DATA ENTRY REQUIRED!  And not by me!  My self confidence doesn’t get dented just because I know I can’t file papers.  Other people can, so they do it.  I don’t.  It’s that simple!  I am no rocket scientist and that doesn’t concern me either.  Nor am I a botanist, although I love looking at flowers.  I just look; it’s close enough and safer for the plants.

#Self Confidence

Filing? What, me?
www.1staccessservices.co.uk

See the emerging picture?  Leave the things alone that you don’t have to do, or are not good at.  Find someone who can handle what you can’t.  But pour your heart and soul into what you can do well and feel great about it.  Another secret to self confidence, let the good feelings about what you do well, the self confidence feelings, overflow into the rest of your life!

Here is a classic example of a downward spiral in self confidence.

Billy is at work and messes up a contract.

#Self Confidence

YOU BLEW IT!
www.ehow.com

The boss bawls him out over it and the whole of the office hears it.  The people he supervises now wonder about him and he feels their eyes boring into him.  The end of the day comes and he escapes to the sanctuary of home, where he reluctantly tells his wife about his humiliation.  She is all comforting and makes him a nice dinner, then they put the kids to bed and she says “Come to bed and make love with me….!”

Up to that point, he was starting to recover, but now, he has to perform again and his mind suddenly goes back to the session with the boss, and he has already been humiliated once today, over his work performance!  He pours himself another drink and decides to watch TV instead.  One humiliation a day is enough for our Billy!  Bad move, Billy!

Self confidence can spiral both ways.

#Self Confidence

I GOT THE CONTRACT!
2findtrueluv.blogspot.com

Billy could have thought about all the things he was good at, and perhaps considered that his boss was also having a bad day and that was why the loud voices, rather than the regular quiet discussion over the contract.  He could have decided that one mistake doesn’t a failure make, told his wife about it and celebrated with her that he was thinking of a way to regain that contract next day.  After an evening of loving and nurturing with his wife, and a great sleep afterwards, he could go into work next day with enthusiasm and inspiration to pick up the phone and win that contract back…

The lesson from this is that our attitude and the self development environment we create around ourselves plays a huge part in our self confidence.  If we choose to be in an environment where goals are set each day, where our achievements are celebrated every day, where positive self talk is the norm, and where we review and reflect on our day every evening with a view to setting up tomorrow for success also, then an occasional flop is only going to create a great campfire story, rather than a downward spiral into depression.  Creating this type of environment is actually a choice you can make at any time.  If you choose not to surround yourself with positivity and celebrations of your successes, what ARE you choosing as your environment?

If your self confidence is important to you, then creating an environment that fosters self confidence is critical for you.

How do you create such an environment, which builds and multiplies your self confidence?

Start your Self Confidence Boost Program HERE NOW!

Check out this page on Success Habits and perhaps the recent blogs on Self Esteem and Self Development Tips.  They will show you the way to a whole new world to live in, one where you get to be King or Queen – which ever you choose!

Til next time, fair winds and full sails!

Ray

New Years Resolutions

New Years Resolutions

#New Years Resolutions

What are you planning for your New years Resolutions?
Courtesy of www.health.com

“An optimist stays up until midnight to see the New Year in. A pessimist stays up to make sure the old year leaves.” Bill Vaughan

You might think it’s strange to be writing about New Years Resolutions a month before Christmas.  However, on December 31st, at 11.59 pm, when your New Years Resolutions are about to take effect, it’s likely your mind will be on Auld Lang Syne, champagne, a clock counting backwards or looking for someone to kiss and say “Happy New Year” to!

Where it will NOT be, is on your New Years Resolutions!

There will be some folks who ask you, in the wee small hours after the stroke of midnight “Whatcha gunna do fer yer Noo Years Reso (Hiccup) lootions?” and even if you answered, they aren’t going to remember.  No, that’s no time to be talking about New Years Resolutions.

#New Years Resolutions

Darn it!
www.toonpool.com

Now is the time.  Now is when you can start to look back at the year just gone and decide whether or not you are happy with it.  If not, can you make it so you will be happy with it by the end of the year?  And if you can’t make it right by the deadline, now is the time to start planning to do it better next year.  But not just planning to do it better – the road to hell is paved with good intentions, putting a program in place that ensures it will be better!

What are New Years Resolutions?

They are goals.  Anyone who says they have never set a goal, but who has made New Years Resolutions has set goals.  They may not have achieved them, but they have set them.

There is a formula for success with goals, and it’s not a hard one to adopt.  However, the challenge is maintaining your efforts towards achieving the goal, and that’s where a bit of structure comes in handy.  There’s a blog about it HERE. The old “SMART” mnemonic is still valid when deciding on the New Years Resolutions.

S = Specific.  Exactly the condition and result you expect.

M = Measurable. You need to be able to evaluate your progress and have the progress under your control.

A = Attainable/realistic.  A stretch for you maybe, but certainly possible to achieve.

R = Relevant.  It has to be something that fits in with your life, direction, desires and makes sense in your world.

T = Timely – within a set time frame.  It has a deadline, so you cannot procrastinate with it.

This is the WHAT of New Years Resolutions; deciding what will make your new year better than the last, but HOW you achieve it is a little different and the most challenging part.  That’s where you need a program that will keep you on track. That may or may not involve other people, but it almost always involves a little self-discipline and a routine of success habits that you plug into to make sure your goals achieve the priority in your life they deserve, whilst giving you the freedom to live that only a life with a “Plan B” in place can feel like!

What has prevented you achieving your earlier New Years Resolutions?

Statistics show that only 8% of people are successful at achieving their New Years Resolutions.  49% sometimes succeed, and 24% NEVER succeed!  Why is this?  Why do so many fail?

#New Years Resolutions

The dogs viewpoint! www.thezerosbeforetheone.com

Sometimes, they were the wrong ones to begin with, set in haste over a celebratory or reflective drink, trying to fix things that were never going to work.  However, even with the right goals and New Years Resolutions, obstacles still crop up.  Financial troubles, people letting you down, availability of necessary items, resources and even time.

This all requires planning because the one thing we all know is that when you plan something, you need to plan also for it going over budget and over time – it’s called contingency planning!  You need a “Plan B” built into your program!

Things do happen to upset plans.  It can be from your own cause – such as forgetting a previous commitment, ill health, family commitments clashing and lots more.  It can be from external causes, such as the weather, your employer making an unexpected demand on your time, a promotion or other change, losing your job, a car breakdown or a disaster from someone else that drags you in, and so on.

Contingency plans are made to handle such situations.  Put simply, you need to allow for extra resources in all areas, including time, manpower, money and whatever else is specifically relevant to your New Years Resolutions.

Why do 8% of people succeed with New Years Resolutions?

People who explicitly make resolutions are 10 times more likely to attain their goals than people who don’t explicitly make resolutions.  In other words, people with a plan!  These successful people think about them in advance, write them out and set them as a goal.

Incidentally, this is about the same success rate as regular goalsetting!

Why bother with New Years Resolutions?

Because the New Year is a time of change!  A time of renewal.  A time to review and correct what hasn’t worked for you, and to take time to plan ahead and get it right!  The human evolutionary drive (Entrepreneurs Credo) is such that we are programmed to strive for better – we cannot escape it.

However, throughout the year, we are all full on busy with work and life commitments.  The end of the old year/start of the New Year is the one time of year generally when people can take a little time off to celebrate with family and friends, reflect, review their progress and restart the New Year with renewed vigour, enthusiasm and New Years Resolutions that may make the coming year better than the previous one.

#New Years Resolutions

Sydney Harbour on New Years Eve
www.redbubble.com

How do you make sure you can put your New Years Resolutions out there, and make them turn into your New Years reality?

Plug them into a program, a system that will ensure they work.  A program that provides that supportive environment around you that encourages you to focus on what is important, and protects you from distractions that would take you away from the important challenges, of being the best you that you can be, and that you and your family deserves.

Check out this blog on why you should systemize personal development if you are wondering why you need a system to plug into.

If you enjoyed this blog and value the message, please share it and reblog it.  Who knows what a difference it could make in someone else’s life! When you wish to start your New Year’s Program, start HERE!

Til next time, fair winds and full sails.

Ray

#New Years Resolutions

Celebrate every success!
www.thatsfit.com

© Life Change 90 2013

Self Esteem

“If you make friends with yourself you will never be alone.” ― Maxwell Maltz
#Self Esteem

Yep, that’s me!
Courtesy of www.blisstree.com

My last blog on Self Development Tips was from the Life Change 90 Blogsite.  I promised to follow on with how to create great Self Esteem and here it is, the two ways to develop Self Esteem.

Self Esteem

There are really only two ways to develop a feeling of high self esteem, unless you were born into a naturally nurturing environment, where you were brought up to feel good about yourself from early childhood.  If that is you, then congratulations – spread the goodwill, if not, these are the other two ways.

The first way to build high self esteem.

As a teenage guy, I had all the insecurities that most other teenage guys had, and I had a few more that many didn’t have!  I lived miles from town, had little social interaction outside of school, was taller than all my classmates and a lot bigger, although I was fit and strong without being overweight.  I always came top of my class right through school and was a champion athlete; I was ridiculed heaps for these – mostly by those who envied those attributes.  However, the ridicule struck, and stuck, went to the bone.

At the ripe old age of 18 years, I asked one of my mates, one of the ones who had a queue of girlfriends, why he had luck with the girls and I had none.  Wasn’t I good looking enough?

His answer, coming from the heart of the true friend he was to me, stayed with me for the next 15 years.  He said:  “You are a ruggedly handsome looking sort of guy.  Don’t worry, it will happen…..!”

In that instant, I associated ruggedly handsome with being unlucky in love, a poor communicator with women, and everything else negative that I was experiencing.  I suddenly realised how much I didn’t like being ‘ruggedly handsome’…

Life went on.  I left the family farm I grew up on and bought my own, married, had a son, divorced, lost a business, started another, became very successful at making people wealthy after rescuing them and their businesses from the stock market disaster in 1987.  Life was great, I was powering, had money, everything, but despite all this I still didn’t like me.

In 1989, I began some self development work on me.  I had to – I was a machine at work, ruthlessly despatching banks to the scrap-heap in getting better deals for my clients, hard-nosed negotiations, precision calculations, strategies, but utterly devoid of fun or interest in life and living.  I was great at what I did, but at living, I sucked badly.

In this self development program, something triggered a switch in me.  I took stock of what I had achieved, what I was doing and what I was capable of.  I looked at the amazing people around me, people who considered us to be friends, people who respected me, and it started to do things to me, in my head, stuff I had never felt before.  I was successful, I had so much credibility with the people I worked with, I mixed with globally significant figures in business and was developing a significant business profile in my own right.

I had an epiphany.  I got out of bed one morning after a period of these unsettling thoughts and emotions (what were they?) and when I looked in the mirror, it was like I looked at a different person.  I suddenly said “You’re OK!  I’m OK!”

I suddenly realised that what my dear friend said all those years ago was absolutely wrong for me.  It was just his well-meaning words at the time, trying to ease the concerns of his good mate, who wasn’t getting lucky with the girls.  That wasn’t me.  If it was back then, it certainly wasn’t now.  In that instant, I got to like me, like what I was, what I did, what I stood for and I started to feel again, starting with feeling good about me!

The epiphany came about because I had been forced, by this self development work, to start looking at and taking stock of my life and coming to realise that I was actually an OK guy, doing some great stuff!

This was the hard way to develop self esteem.  It might just as easily have gone the other way – if I didn’t like what I found in my stocktake, it might have gone very differently.

#Self Esteem

This was me – without the dress!
courtesy of pregoandtheloon.wordpress.com

But there is an easier way.

The second way to guarantee high self esteem.

In the 1960’s, a guy called Maxwell Maltz is reported to have said at the launch of one of his books, ‘confidence and self esteem is built from repeated experiences of success’.

Therefore, if you consciously place yourself in situations where you will, or are likely to have repeated experiences of success, then your self esteem and confidence will grow.  It must grow!  The trick is knowing where that place is!

The reality is that it’s not hard.  The concept of goalsetting within a self development program is what is required.  Creating an environment that nurtures and supports you, with affirmations in the environment, daily counting of successes, setting them up as little goals in the morning and checking them off each evening, checking your moods each day, learning to be aware of them and finally to anticipate and set them consciously, all of these elements build to a powerful self esteem, based on actual successes and personal growth within you.

#Self Esteem

This was REALLY me!
Courtesy of www.lifedaily.com

You can build self esteem accidentally like I did, and hope that after some time (I took 15 years!) you will realise you are OK too, and you always were.  Or you can step into a framework that does it all for you.  It’s possible.  Check out this blog on why you should systemize personal development, or even here, about why bother with personal development.

Twenty years on, much has evolved to enable you to consciously choose the outcomes that I stumbled upon, and fortunately landed in a good place.  Some folks from those times didn’t make it and unfortunately ended up well away from where they wanted to be.  As teens, we admired and envied some of our mates but now, I see that much of what we envied got those guys into serious trouble fitting into and creating a life of success.

There are better ways.  And they all require good self esteem!

If you enjoyed this blog and value the message, please share it and reblog it.  Who knows what a difference it could make in someone else’s life!  To start your new life, with a healthy dose of Self Esteem, start HERE!

Til next time, fair winds and full sails.

Ray

“You can always find the sun within yourself if you will only search.” ― Maxwell Maltz

Self Development Tips

Self Development Tips

#Self Development Tips

www.jobjasoos.com
It’s easy to break through when you know how!

Is a problem still a problem, if you don’t know you have it?

Absolutely!  Ignorance is not bliss!  Ignorance can get you killed, maimed, broke, divorced, out of work, out of luck, and out of chances!

The smart thing is to get over being ignorant of any problems you don’t even know you might have, and get some self development tips.

How do I know I have a problem?

How’s life?  Any areas you want to work better?  There you go, found some straight away!  Wasn’t hard at all.  Now, how to go about making them better.  This is where those self development tips come in!

“You Have the Power to Fulfill Your Dreams!” ― Tae Yun Kim

Why self development tips?

#Self Development Tips

petetheplumberny.com Call in the experts!

Why not just hire someone to fix the problem?  That would be good if it was a plumbing problem, where you can call in someone trained in fixing plumbing problems.  However, if the issue is closer to home, such as within YOU, then who better to look to for answers than the person who lives there with the issues?

It’s not hard to work out what the problems are, but it can be tricky working out the answers, and often, we don’t know them.  If we did, we’d probably try to or already have the problem solved with the answers.  However, the real problem is that most people don’t know how to ask for what they want!  And the super major problem with that is that they don’t realise they don’t know how to ask for what they want!

Self development tips 1:  How to ask for what you want!

This is a big issue, so we’ll devote a little time to it.  The formula here applies to everything in life, so it’s worth taking notes.  There are 5 steps in Self Development tips 1:

Step 1:  Know what you want!  Sounds simple, but how many times have you been asked, and been unable to immediately answer?  Before you start asking for anything, be really clear on what it is you want, or want help with.  Clarity leads to power, so get clarity first.  That may mean writing it out, mind mapping it or talking it over with a friend who can play devil’s advocate, but get clear on exactly what you want!

#Self Development Tips

ahboycreativemind.blogspot.com
Clarity leads to power!

Step 2:  Know who to ask!  Again, sounds simple, but why do so many people get it wrong?  Sure, the taxi driver may have a sound opinion on it, and may even be right, but is he the guy to ask?  Is your brother-in-law the guy to ask?  Possibly not.

How do you know who to ask?  Look at their results.  Look at what their profession is.  If it’s relevant to your question, see if they are getting results in it.  Look around for people who already have the answers to the question you want answered.  But before you ask, make sure you are asking someone who actually can help you!

That’s not to say that family and friends are not the right people to ask, nor should you shun the taxi driver.  Get a range of opinions and rationally sift through them, educate yourself so that you are qualified to analyse the answers and make your decisions and choices.

Step 3:  Be in exchange!  You want a pizza?  $10.00 please!  You want the answer to a life changing question or problem?  What is it worth to you?  What will someone charge you to provide it?  There needs to be an exchange of some sort.

#Self Development Tips

surangi.blogspot.com
Talk to the right people

If it was simply information, you might Google it for free.  But experience?  That comes from a mentor, someone who has been there.  That will cost a little more.  You need to be clear in advance what it is worth to you to get what you want, what you are asking for, and whether you can afford to pay for it!

A small distinction:  the exchange need not be money!  If the retired business person over the road had the answers to your business problems, they may not want money in exchange.  They may want you to talk to them, invite them into your business for their interests’ sake, give them something to think about and do.  They may be missing the activity of their business life and want an interest again, something to do….  Some mentors want a percentage share of profits; some want an hourly consulting rate.  Or they may just need the lawn mowing from time to time…!  An exchange – something that feels fair to both of you.

Step 4:  Ask as if it’s yours.  Be confident, bold, assertive.  Ask as though you already have it!

#Self Development Tips

asoterralingua.blogspot.com
CONFIDENCE!

The timid people stay home and wonder, while the successful people get out and ask, do, and get what they need from life.  That doesn’t mean you have to be aggressive.  It does mean you must have the courage and confidence to take that step forward and actually ask someone to help you.  In asking for help, the implication is also that you are humble enough to acknowledge that you need help and are also humble enough to accept it!  This is not about being rude, arrogant and pushy in your quest for what you want.  It’s about turning up, and allowing yourself the opportunity to be in the right place at the right time, to get what you need.  Rarely will it be home delivered, you will have to get off the couch to get it!

Step 5:  Ask until it is yours!  Sometimes, you ask the question and get your answer immediately.  It’s possible!  Right place, right time.  But that’s not all the time, and you might have to ask a lot of questions in a lot of different ways, to get your answers and get what you went looking for.

Some people won’t have your answer.  Some people will, but won’t give it to you, or you won’t be able to afford it.  Some people will feel threatened by you and others will be wary about you asking them trade secrets.  But then, eventually you will come across the person with the answers you need.  Eventually, you will find what you want.  But you still need to keep knocking on doors until that time comes and it may not come easily.

This was the first of your self development tips.  Apply it everywhere because it works on anything you need.  Anything.  Including the rest of the tips – it’s a bit like the padlock on the pantry door – once you get that one right, the rest is a lot easier!

Self development tips 2: Daring to dream.

#Self Development Tips

techandscience.com
It’s all in the way you see yourself!

It might seem silly to include this, but so many people have heard “NO” so often, they longer allow themselves to dare to want anything, or dream of anything better.  It’s called conditioning.  We all need to dare to dream of what could be, so that we can go looking for it!

Is a better relationship with your partner possible?  Possibly.  But you need to dare dream of it being better first, and then talking about it with them to ignite their dreams too!

Is a more satisfying career possible?  Possibly, but first, allow yourself to get clear on what would make it better and more satisfying.  Could the same position be made better with a few changes and tweaks, or do you need to start again somewhere else?

Clarity leads to power.  Allow yourself to dream.  Get clear on your dreams.  Then go looking for them, to make them happen.

 

Self development tips 3:  Have a plan.

Again, a simple but very profound point.  When you take a holiday, how much time do you put into preparation for it?  For a fortnight of holidaying, you probably put months of evenings planning into it.  But how long since you did some life planning, which includes your work life, family life AND your holidays?  So few people plan ahead for anything but events, when the whole of your life is a journey!

#Self Development Tips

easyconsult.com.au
Have a plan!

When you look at holiday planning, put it into Google, and it will come up with something like 370 MILLION results in 0.2 seconds.  You can get phone apps for holiday planning.  Holiday planning has been systemized so much that you can hardly get it wrong anymore!  You just plug into the system and your holiday is done for you.

Why not systemize your life planning?

In just the same way, you can plug into personal and self development planning which encompasses relationships, career, finances, spiritual development, dreams and goals, everything you could possibly want in life, as well as holidays, and for a few minutes a day, have it organised as well!  There is a blog worth checking on this point – see it HERE, and make Self Development Tips 3 the one which changed your life!

Think about it.  You asked the question – self development tips 1, you dared to dream – self development tips 2 and made a plan – self development tips 3 – you happened to be in the right place at the right time, this time!  Sounds like a program you’d want to be in!  Start it here now!

Self development tips – there just might be something in it!

Next time, let’s look at feeling good about being you, who you are, and what you stand for.  Let’s look at self esteem and being proud of you!

If you enjoyed this post, if you believe it has merit, please share and reblog it, send it on to your friends, and anyone else you think may benefit.  Who knows whose life you might change!  Including yours!

Til next time, fair winds and full sails!

Ray Jamieson

“Don’t try to fix me, I’m not broken…” ― Evanescence

Why systemize personal development?

Why systemize personal development?

“The system has already anticipated the freedom seeking mechanism in humans.”
― Bryant McGill, Voice of Reason

Imagine for a moment that you were going into a department store.  You knew the store took up a whole city block, because it was the only building on the block.  You could see that it was ten stories high, looking up from the street.  It had a single door in from the street and the only signage was “We are open 1 hour each day”.  You look inside the door, and the store looked like everything had been dumped in from the ceiling, boxes and bags and loose items were scattered everywhere, randomly.  How daunting is this shopping experience going to be?

#Personal Development

Untidy department store
image from esterknows.com

However, over the street is another department store, with all the same items for sale.  Same size store, also ten stories high.  The difference is that this store has a wide front door, with a huge directory board right at the door, with a sign that read “OPEN 24 hours”.  Next to it stood a smiling doorman who greeted you cheerily, and asked if he could direct you to what you needed to purchase, or if he could help you decide what you needed.

#Personal Development

Amazing department store
image from victorthevampirekitty.blogspot.com

Which store would you like to shop at?

Me too – the one with the great system!

It’s a lot like life really.  We didn’t get a map of the universe of personal development when we arrived on earth.  We know somehow that it’s all out there available to us, but where do you start?  How do you know what you need?  That’s why a system is important.

There are some stages in changing your life from what it is now, to what you’d rather it was like, and the stages start very close to home.  Today, you and I are the product of everything we have done in all the years of our lives right up to this moment in time – we are the end result of all of our efforts.

How many years did it take for us to get like this?  It’s OK, only you need to know that.  But we need to realise that it’s taken a number of years to get us this way, and we will need a little time to change the programs that got us here, to get them to take us to somewhere else more desirable.  It starts in our minds.  The most amazing computer program on the planet is inside our heads and we need to slip a new disc into it, so that it creates a different personal development outcome for us.

#Personal Development

Our amazing onboard computer
image from jonlieffmd.com

The good news is that it doesn’t take long.  But it does take a little time and the old ways will cling onto you, as habits.  Some work will be necessary, but this is where the value and power of a great system kicks in!

Imagine now that each morning, you took 10 minutes to put the new disc into your onboard computer, set up your day with it, and then went about your daily business with the new personal development program running.

Imagine that in the evening, possibly after dinner and after your day is complete, except for some quality time with your loved ones, perhaps watching a moving, talking, reading or sharing some special time, image that before you settled into this beautiful space for the evening, that you took another 10 or 15 minutes and downloaded the results of your new personal development computer program from this day, and saved them into your laptop or tablet at home.

Imagine that this was all it took to change your life from what you have now, that you want to change, into what you wanted it to be, as soon as possible in the future.

Congratulations, you have just imagined working with Life Change 90!

Life Change 90 is a 90 day program, a self-development system that is designed to work with your habits and activities over 90 days, 3 months, and enable you to change your life from what it has been to what you desire.  A few minutes morning and evening to program your day and download the outcomes, showing you every day, the successes you have had in changing your life with this new systemized personal development program.

Along the way, you will discover what has been limiting you, distracting you and taking you away from what you truly desire.  It will show you better ways, and guide you around the department store of life to exactly what you need to make those life changes, and the system will lock them in place for you.

Interested? Click HERE to learn more, and start now!

Or are you still standing in front of that little door in the big, messed up department store, hoping to find something the hard way?

To learn more about Life Change 90, check the link below, and explore this website.  Ask questions in the FAQ section.  Be amazed.  That’s what life is about.

If you found this blog post to be of value, please share it with your friends and reblog it.  At some time through the life of every person, they wish for a Life Change.  This could be that change and that time.  Let’s make the world a better place!

Til next time, fair winds and full sails,

Ray Jamieson

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