Tag Archives: confidence

To Be Loved

TO BE LOVED

“Love looks not with the eyes, but with the mind,
And therefore is winged Cupid painted blind.”
― William Shakespeare, A Midsummer Night’s Dream

#To be loved is the stuff of the ages, the poets of old and the stories they told.

#To be loved

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To be loved by a puppy is cute, then they grow into those mischievous brutes

#To be loved

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To be loved by a child is a joy to cherish, til they hit teens and then they vanish

#To be loved

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To be loved by an audience is great for the ego, but they go home at the end of the show

#To be loved

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To be loved by a nation, as president or dictator, an election or uprising and it’s “see you later!”

#To be loved

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To be loved by a fiancée is sweet and delicious, to make it to the altar is so very precious

#To be loved

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To be loved by your spouse years down the track, is a feeling to cherish to eternity and back

 

#To be loved

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I am so blessed.  I have known most of these – although I’m not aiming for president, but I can now honestly say that I am blessed to know that the lady I fell in love with and am now even more in love with, is still greatly enamoured with me.  She has known me for some years now, knows my considerable flaws, knows that at times I drive her nuts, I forget things, I probably keep her awake at night with my snoring, if not because of the worrying she does over the strife I get into, and yet, she loves me.

“You don’t love someone because they’re perfect, you love them in spite of the fact that they’re not.”
― Jodi Picoult, My Sister’s Keeper

How powerful and motivating is it to be loved?

The search for love through the ages has inspired acts ranging from incredible heroism to just as incredible acts of stupidity.  However, the desire to be loved the way I am loved is inspirational, motivational and incredibly empowering.  It is the true magic of the universe – of all the billions of people on this planet, I found the one with whom together forever is our reality.

There are many ways people can desire to be loved.  The flirtatious and frivolous one night stands or casual flings.  Sure, they may be fun for a time, but it’s like eating a packet of potato crisps – almost straight away, you feel hungry for something else.  Compared to a proper meal, there is no satisfaction, no comparison – it’s just an appetizer.

Another way to be loved is to have control over another, to demand their love and affection.  But demanding or commanding a person to love you denies them the opportunity to choose to love you and to express and to give love from the depths of their heart.  How could you know if this was what they felt, or only what you demanded?  It’s an ego trip by a heart very lacking in confidence and self-esteem, scared to take a chance on love when it is easier and safer to extort it.

A very popular way to be loved is to allow yourself to be a toy for others, to be subservient to their wishes.  But how would you know if they loved you, or were merely using you as a convenience?  Where is your security?  When they finish with you, what then?

To be loved by someone needy is scary.  Once their needs are fulfilled, what then?  Or will they ever be fulfilled?  And is it love for you, or fear from them that keeps them close?  There is no long-term tenure or happiness there either!

To be loved by someone freely, someone who knows all about you and still chooses to love you, chooses to be with you and commit to you totally, regardless of the consequences, trusting that as a team you can face the future together, that is the love to desire, when you desire to be loved.  This is the stuff of ages, known by the poets of old through the stories they told.

If this is not what you have in your life, sure, learn the tricks, learn what to say, read the books, get a puppy, but above all, become worthy of the love of the person you would desire to be loved by.  Do your bit.  Look in the mirror at your heart and soul.  Is what you see what you would expect the love of your life to become excited over?  Are you excited about you?

The first step is to fall in love with yourself – like who you are and be proud of what you have to offer.  Become attractive on the inside and let it overflow to the world around you.  People notice.  People will want to be near you, not necessarily to fall in love with you, but because it’s a great feeling for them, like a warm fire on a cold evening.  And somewhere amongst those people you may find the connection to the one you desire to be loved by.

When they arrive – be worthy of them.  Prepare for them.  Make it worth their journey, the journey they took, to be loved by the person they seek too.

Remember, they are just like you, another person, feeling alone, seeking to be loved by someone to love them down through the ages too.  Treat them as you wish to be loved.

My wish for you is to feel the blessing that I feel each morning as I wake to greet my day, my life and my wife, and again each evening as I give thanks for the day I have had, and say “Goodnight” to the one I so love to wake up with each morning!

If you feel this has been valuable to you, please share or reblog it for others to enjoy and gain from also.  Everyone deserves to be loved!

Til next time, fair winds and full sails!

Ray Jamieson

“I’m selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can’t handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don’t deserve me at my best.”
― Marilyn Monroe

 

A Success Story

A Success Story

I always tried to turn every disaster into an opportunity. John D. Rockefeller
#Success Story

GOTCHA!                                   www.baldmarketing.com

Sometimes life sucks.  Sometimes, you can turn it around, massively.  This is Linda’s Success Story and how she turned her life around.

#Success Story

Lost her job!
www.thisismoney.com.au

When I met Linda, she was in her early fifties.  Her husband had just left her for a younger woman.  She had just lost her job because she was one of the 15,000 employees of the major employer in her city that had just closed down at short notice, and she arrived home to find that her rented house had been burgled.  The most prized possession stolen was her new laptop computer.

 

#Success Story

Oh no! Not burgled too?
archive.constantcontact.com

There wasn’t much else that anyone could take from Linda; broke, unemployed, burgled, abandoned by her husband and pretty upset with life.

However, Linda had already committed to working on a self development program.  It was scheduled to start just after all these disasters had happened in her life.

Linda’s Success Story was about to begin.

She arrived for the meeting and took lots of notes.  She had nothing much to go back home to, so there was nothing to lose by making a total commitment to her life change.  At the first program session, she decided as her goal, she wanted to get into a home of her own.  A pretty amazing goal when you consider her starting point.

#Success Story

Starting over again, more intelligently!
www.abcm.com.au

6 weeks later, Linda arrived for the first review session.  She had been working with other people on the program in the meantime for moral support, but as they had ‘normal lives’ and jobs and families to keep them occupied, she didn’t get anything more than that.

We asked for a “show and tell”.  After a small #success story from a couple of folks, Linda’s turn came.

“I bought my first house” she said, “and the contract settles on a second house in a fortnight!”

WOW!  We asked her how she did it and it was simple enough.  She was totally committed and decided to follow the goal setting program she had planned to the letter.  One of the program sessions was on how to buy property without a deposit, so she followed the steps exactly, twice!  It happened, each time, just as the program said it would!  Exactly as she planned in her goals!

When she told her son and daughter, both living away from her, they told her she couldn’t do it – it was impossible.  She told them she was lucky she didn’t ask them first, because by then, she had already ‘done the impossible!’

Of course, Linda was delighted with such a huge shift and change in her fortunes.  But her success story didn’t stop there.

When she applied for finance, she met a really nice guy, the mortgage broker.  Over the next six months, he became rather enamoured of this dynamic little lady, and they were married within the year.  Another plank in her success story – a new husband – infinitely more interesting than the one who abandoned her!

#Success Story

Never too late!
creativecouples.net

I had a phone call from Linda and Ron a while ago.  They were living in a home on the North Shore overlooking Sydney Harbour, with their four dogs.  They discovered they shared a love of dogs and walking the dogs daily was a treasured time for them.  They were calling to ask about purchasing a huge industrial property about 3 hours west of Sydney.  They already had 4 residential properties, each one paying for itself with the rent coming in, properties that they had purchased without a deposit according to the original plans, as well as the beautiful place they lived in on Sydney Harbour.  Now they were looking even further ahead with their success story!

A massive life change and success story after only two years!

What was Linda’s secret with her success story?  How did she do it?

First, she was totally committed.  Her life had been thoroughly cleaned out with that series of disastrous events and left her with nothing but the knowledge that she had to turn her life around – or starve!  She was totally committed!

Second, she had a plan and followed it.  At the program, much of which is now available in an online version as the “Life Change 90 program”, Linda chose her direction and set the goals she wanted to achieve.  She worked though the goals; she planned them carefully, then followed the plan.

Third, she had a supportive environment around her.  The program design with affirmations, self development, personal growth and confidence building sessions, as well as the mentors in the program, the benchmarks and nightly checking off successes, created an environment where she was congratulated either by the program benchmarks, herself with each evening’s review exercises, or the people around her; each provided moral and practical support.

That’s all she needed for her success story!  She demonstrated that all the excuses that most people put up as reasons for failure are just words!  No money, no job, no partner, no computer, these are just the excuses other people make for their failures.  Linda was a tiny lady in her fifties, with no money, no job, no close family and nothing but a good plan and determination to succeed.  And that’s all she needed!  She and Ron are living proof of it!

“Excellence is not a singular act, but a habit. You are what you repeatedly do.” Shaquille Oneal

The same program Linda used in her success story, to turn her life and her fortunes around is available to everyone, and you can start on your success story anytime you choose.  Anytime you choose to not accept your excuses any more…

#Success Story

Hmmmm! What’s next?
www.beliefnet.com

What you need is a program that teaches you to set goals, provides the success strategies and habits to support the goals, and the motivation and commitment to do it!  A success story is available to you now.  It’s available to everyone now.  Get yours here!

If you have gained value from this post and feel others would benefit also, please share or reblog it for them.   Let’s add some more value to this world!  A success story should be available to everyone!

“Success is a state of mind. If you want success, start thinking of yourself as a success.”
Dr. Brothers

Til next time, fair winds and full sails,

Ray

Associated Links: 

Commitment to your goals and yourself

The value of a structured program

The Life Change 90 Program

 

 

A Prayer for today

A prayer for today

“Prayer is the key of the morning and the bolt of the evening”  Mahatma Gandhi

#A prayer for today

What a way to start the day!
lareception.wordpress.com

Prayer is the key of the morning and the bolt of the evening.

Mahatma Gandhi

Read more at http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/quotes/m/mahatmagan133480.html#UY71llSRowjXlHc5.99I’m a writer.  I have always been a writer. From time to time in this blog, you will find some spiritual writings, maybe some poetry, and occasionally some Australiana, all either experienced or inspired by events in my life at some time.

I’m a writer.  I have always been a writer.  From time to time through my blogs, you will find posts on spirituality, mostly from my book “Lessons of Life”.  You will also find some poetry occasionally, and even some Australiana stories!  All these have been inspired by events or situations in my life, from where I have taken a lesson and been inspired by what happened.  There will also be many more of my regular posts on self development, lessons I have learned and taught since I began in the 1990’s, some taken from The Executive Mastermind, some developed for specific purposes or clients.

My first books came out 2 decades ago; the verse below is probably the single page of which I am most proud.  It is from the book “Lessons of Life“, a collection of spiritual stories that, when I had a question, I would let fall open and read my answer from the page.  It was uncanny how inspirational and accurate it was.

This was a period early in my time of self development and personal growth, when I was still struggling with some of the concepts of spirituality and personal growth that I now know are integrated into my life, things I have been learning, and more importantly, teaching, for the last two decades.  I wrote this verse back then, and in those days, I had a diary, a large folder from which I worked and kept my business appointments from.

This verse was in that folder and I read it aloud to myself, night and morning.  I’m glad I did.  It’s who I am now.

“There is a voice in the Universe urging us to remember our purpose for being on this great Earth. This is the voice of inspiration, which is within each and every one of us” Dr Wayne W Dyer

#A prayer for today:  A prayer for every day!

#A prayer for today

Nicely done!
www.dreamyoga.com

Today, My Perfect Day

A day that I could begin by being of service to another, to start their day also with inspiration and love.

A day when I could plan and begin projects – dreams that could take all of my tomorrows to complete.

A day I would live as though it was my last, as though there would be no tomorrow.

A day when I would play the games I play to the limit,

To laugh as hard as I can,

To love as passionately as I am able,

To work and achieve to my capacity,

yet with time to rest and relax with my loved ones

until we are full of the love we have for one another.

A day when there is time to reflect,

To consider those whose fortunes have not yet been realised, as mine have,

To pray that they may be realised – soon.

A day which closes with a Prayer of Thanks to the Great Spirit and all the guides I have,

for watching over me through this day,

and to ask them to guide me through the next,

so that again someone might say:

“I’m glad that you came by!”

© Ray Jamieson 1993

I hope you enjoyed a prayer for today.  I do believe that this verse, created during a dark period of my life from some inspiration that came from I knew not where at the time, created a solid spiritual foundation in my life.  From these foundations came all the other spiritual and teaching works that I have delivered over the years, and provided the compass by which I steered, mostly.  Only when I strayed did I find myself in trouble, and this, a prayer for today and every day, helped me back, each time.

I hope it works for you too.

If you feel “A Prayer For today” has helped you, been of value to you and could possibly help others, please share it, reblog it, tweet it and generally spread the word.  If a prayer for today helps just one other person, that makes at least two, and it’s certainly been worthwhile.

Thank you.

#A prayer for today

No matter how big your sails!
www.modelyachting.com

Til next time, fair winds and full sails,

Ray Jamieson

 

How to win an argument

How to win an argument

“A man convinced against his will, is of the same opinion still!”  Benjamin Franklin

#How to win an argument

You really want to win this argument?
Courtesy of www.theguardian.com

How to win an argument?

YOU CAN’T!

What happens when you beat someone down into agreeing with you, just for the sake of stopping the argument?

Losers don’t get mad, they get even!  That’s right; you just make enemies for the future!

So, #how to win an argument, really?

You must understand what goes on in someone’s mind while they are having an argument, or when they are angry or upset or afraid, and learn to work with it, harness their emotional state, so they can be better people and work through the issue.  Only then, do you learn how to win an argument.  And it’s not by winning the argument!

What DOES go on in someone’s mind while they are angry?

To understand this, you need to understand a little basic psychology – it will only take about a minute.

When someone is angry, fearful, upset, sad, depressed, terrified or even just bored, their mind is not in a state where rational thought is possible for them.  All they can do is react to stimuli.  That’s right, like an animal!  They are operating from the reactionary part of their mind, the old animal part, the part that was there when we were a species living in caves, frightened of the dark and sabre toothed tigers.  We HAD to react, to survive.  In effect, this part of the brain is survival territory, where the only instincts are fight, or flight!

How is this valuable, when all you want to know is how to win an argument?

#How to win an argument

blub, blub, blub…
Courtesy of www.stthomasblog.com

If you picture someone who is in one of these states, imagine that they are underwater.  You have to raise them up, so they can breathe, hear your question and respond.  Underwater, all they can do is thrash about, trying to survive.

How do you raise the mind up from those depths?

Ask it a question.  It really IS that simple.

Not any question.  “How’s the weather down there?” might not get the right response.

But if you are arguing with someone, or they want to argue with you, here’s a question that will work:

“HOW can WE sort THIS out?”

There is a VERY specific structure to this question.

An argument has two sides, both adversarial, against each other.  “You did it!”  “I did not!”  And never the twain shall meet, because they are both down in that animal survival instinct area.

But when you ask “HOW can WE sort THIS out?” you have triggered something that the mind is programmed to respond to.  The first part is WE.

#How to win an argument

WE are sorting THIS out!
Image from www.last.fm

Rather than adversarial combatants, you have just grouped yourself with them on a team of two, against THIS, the subject of the argument.  You introduced a third-party to the discussion, and put yourself on-side with them, against this third-party.  That third-party, the issue, is now a problem you work on solving, together!

And you asked a processing question, HOW.  The mind cannot process while down in those depths, so it comes up – sometimes only for a moment, but it comes up to process, into a state of mind where it IS rational, where it CAN respond intelligently, and think about a genuine answer to your question.  However fleeting, you got their mind up to where it can process.

What is THIS part of the mind?

This is where the emotions of interest, exploring, asking, and leading up to enthusiasm, happiness and bliss are found.  This is where people get enjoyment out of creating, communicating, playing, enjoying doing things.  And the lower levels of this, around interest and asking, is where you raised the level of their state of mind to by asking a question.

It may almost immediately seem to sink into the depths again.  Be encouraged that you got it to move the first time.  Try again.  Ask “WHAT can WE do to fix THIS up?”  And again:  “HOW can WE resolve THIS ISSUE?”

Their mind is now processing all those questions, the more you ask them, up to a point of course, the more they need to process them.  However, the mind can’t be in two places at once.  It can’t remain angry about THIS ISSUE while processing questions about it, and their anger will subside enough for a rational, if still heated discussion to take place.

Key point 1:  How to win an argument is not how to win an argument, but how to raise the emotional tone of the person’s mind so that you can communicate with them, rather than just get reactions from them.  Do this by asking HOW, WHAT, WHERE, WHEN to get them processing.

#How to win an argument

All in this together!
Image from suvendubabu.blogspot.com

Key point 2:  How to win an argument is not how to win an argument, but how to work with the other person to resolve an issue.  When you put WE into your question, you join forces with them.

Key point 3:  How to win an argument is not how to win an argument, but how to stop being the focus of their anger, and put the focus on the issue!  Play the issue, not the person.  Make the issue the protagonist, to recipient of their energy, not you.

Where to from here?

If you learn to use this language pattern in your everyday communications, you will have many fewer arguments.  #How to win an argument will no longer be an issue – this is a negotiation technique superior to anything else out there, because it prevents the argument happening!  When you find a discussion descending into those depths, your adept use of questions will quickly bring it back up and resolve the issue, whilst you maintain your relationship…

Think back – how many times would this have solved a problem, or prevented an argument for you?

To learn this way of thinking, and to create your own supportive environment around you to encourage this to become your natural language, it’s worth looking at a structured program to assist you to develop it.  Check out this blog.

Or check out the Life Changing program here.

If you know other people who want to know how to win an argument, or who you feel would find this post valuable, please reblog it or share it with them.  Let’s add some more value to this world!

Til next time, fair winds and full sails!

Ray

“We can not solve our problems with the same level of thinking that created them” ― Albert Einstein

Commitment Phobia

#Commitment Phobia

image from news.cision.com

“The quality of a person’s life is in direct proportion to their commitment to excellence, regardless of their chosen field of endeavor.” Vince Lombardi

What is Commitment Phobia?

You know THAT GOAL you set?  Yes, that one.  How serious are you about it?  How committed are you?

Pretty serious?  Fairly committed?  Really serious?  Fair dinkum?  Really….?

OK, no more stories – give me a number.

On a scale of 1-100, how committed are you to achieving THAT GOAL?

No reasons, no stories.  Just give me the number.

Is your number 100?

Congratulations, you ARE totally committed!

Is it less than 100?  If so, why bother with that goal?

Do you have what is called Commitment Phobia?

“If you deny yourself commitment, what can you do with your life?”  Harvey Fierstein

If your car broke down on the side of the road and someone stopped and offered to help, but you said, “OK, but can I finish this carton of beer first?” what do you think their response would be?

Something like:  “Well, if you are not serious about getting home, then I see no reason to put myself out to help you!”

It’s a bit like that with goalsetting, the Universe, and the “Laws of Attraction”…

The guy kneeled beside his bed and prayed:  “Lord, please help me to win the lottery”.  He prayed for hours, night after night.

After a while, God must have become frustrated with him…  The loud voice boomed:

“At least you could help me to help you.  How about buying a ticket?”

Are you giving yourself EVERY chance to win, to succeed at your goalsetting?  Or are you asking your God, Angels, Guides or whoever you pray to, to do all the work for you?  It doesn’t work that way.  You have to at least have the ticket, to play the game and have a chance of winning!  Spectators don’t win games, only the players in the arena get to stand on the podium!

#Commitment Phobia

Let me think about this a bit more!
Courtesy of www.inspirationalexaminer.com

Commitment Phobia is a funny term.  It is often used to refer to guys who want to ‘play the field’ and not tie themselves down to any one lady.  (Trust me guys, when you get it right, commitment to THE lady is INCREDIBLE!)

However, commitment is a vital part of life, and anything less than total commitment to the task at hand can get us into a lot of trouble!

As a child, I worked with my Dad on our farm.  One day we were using a large steel rope to drag logs around.  Dad’s words were profound and powerful to me as a 9 year old.  I still find they apply every single day!  He said:

“Get a good, strong grip on that rope, like you were going to choke it!  If you don’t give it everything, it will twist out of your hands and hurt you!”

WOW!  How often has THAT happened?  The wire rope could have been that incredible person you met, who you let slip by because you didn’t call them back, or you didn’t think you were good enough….  It could be that job opportunity that went begging because you didn’t get your application in on time because of the weekend BBQ, or you were late to the interview.  Perhaps it was the great job you lost, because you got lazy in it and someone passed you by on the corporate ladder.  Ouch, every time!

How committed were you to all these things, or did you have a form of #commitment phobia standing in your way.  Did you get complacent?  Did you let self-doubt give you commitment phobia?  If it’s important enough, what would you NOT do, to succeed at something that meant everything for you?

#Commitment Phobia

Row, or stay all at sea!
futuresteve.wordpress.com

For those who believed in the inevitability of the ‘middle aged spread’ and other aging myths, who have let their bodies go a little, how serious are you about your health?  Again, give me a number, 1-100.  Anything less than 100, I have to ask, why?  You only get one chance per lifetime to have a healthy body.  Just ask those folks who have been stricken with some crazy and challenging illness that they struggle with daily, just to stay alive!  If you asked them how committed they are, with their last remaining ounce of energy they would bop you.  They don’t have commitment phobia – they cannot afford it!

Neither can you!

Commitment Phobia is a creeping disease.

You begin with a rush of enthusiasm, but it wanes after a while.  Then you begin to find excuses.  Then you realise that it no longer matters, or you tell yourself it doesn’t matter.

#Commitment Phobia

Mother and toddler – love them always.
tipstoahealthy-relationship.blogspot.com

I worked with a guy called Michael who reached a whopping 350 pounds weight, 160 kilograms.  He changed jobs 3 times because he couldn’t physically do the work, before he had his wake-up call.  I asked him why it took severe diabetes and his doctor warning him that he was liable to drop dead at any moment, to stop and rethink his life.  He said that it just crept up on him, a few pounds at a time, and he just kept buying bigger clothes, cars and getting easier jobs until one day, a bicycle shop owner next door to his workplace smiled at him when he walked in the door.  He asked him why he smiled, and he was told that it was almost impossible for him to buy a bicycle to fit him, so what else was he looking for in there…..!  OUCH!  Off to the doctor!

He became committed.  He committed to his life, to his wife and to his toddler daughter…  Within 2 years, he was riding in triathlons, in what is called the “Clydesdales” class, the class dedicated to men over 200 pounds or 90 kilograms weight.  He has since completed a Hawaii Iron Man and has a trophy cabinet to be proud of.  And he has no commitment phobia!  He cannot afford it – diabetes is there, waiting to pounce on him any time he wavers.

#Commitment Phobia

Triathletes at work!
www.picstopin.com

Do you have commitment phobia?

Think about your goals and dreams.  Give yourself a number on them.  If it is less than 100, ask yourself seriously, why you set THAT GOAL.  If it really IS a serious goal or a critical issue for you, then there is a way to get totally committed and shake off that commitment phobia.

Find a way to be passionate about your goals!

Michael thought of his wife and baby girl, and got passionate about life again.  What will make YOU passionate about YOUR goals?  In the Life Change 90 program, you learn about finding your passion, and about redefining your goals so that you live and breathe them and you are excited to get out of bed for them each day.  It takes that sort of passion to guarantee success in achieving your goals.

New Years Resolutions usually have only an 8% success rate, and average goals get as low as 3% success, with partial success around 15%.

If it’s important to you, an 8% chance of success is not good enough.  It MUST be a total commitment, or nothing at all – put your time into something else….

Why is passion vital to overcome commitment phobia?

#Commitment Phobia

www.ankurbakhshi.info
Goethe’s famous quote on Commitment

Because if there is a solid and compelling enough reason for WHY, you WILL find a HOW to achieve that goal.  When failure is just not an option, then you will find a way.

Passion is a powerful driver, but it also pays to work smart, too!  Banging your head against a wall, no matter how passionate you are, will still give you a headache!  Having a success formula to plug into and a supportive environment to work in while going for your dreams is a huge bonus for those with passion.  It gets the goal a lot faster too.  Get your Success Formula HERE NOW!

“Unless commitment is made, there are only promises and hopes; but no plans” Peter F Drucker quotes 

To overcome commitment phobia, check out these blogs, on Systemizing Personal Development and Success Habits.  Leave commitment phobia behind and make your next year your best year yet!

Til next time, fair winds and full sails,

Ray

 

Self Esteem

“If you make friends with yourself you will never be alone.” ― Maxwell Maltz
#Self Esteem

Yep, that’s me!
Courtesy of www.blisstree.com

My last blog on Self Development Tips was from the Life Change 90 Blogsite.  I promised to follow on with how to create great Self Esteem and here it is, the two ways to develop Self Esteem.

Self Esteem

There are really only two ways to develop a feeling of high self esteem, unless you were born into a naturally nurturing environment, where you were brought up to feel good about yourself from early childhood.  If that is you, then congratulations – spread the goodwill, if not, these are the other two ways.

The first way to build high self esteem.

As a teenage guy, I had all the insecurities that most other teenage guys had, and I had a few more that many didn’t have!  I lived miles from town, had little social interaction outside of school, was taller than all my classmates and a lot bigger, although I was fit and strong without being overweight.  I always came top of my class right through school and was a champion athlete; I was ridiculed heaps for these – mostly by those who envied those attributes.  However, the ridicule struck, and stuck, went to the bone.

At the ripe old age of 18 years, I asked one of my mates, one of the ones who had a queue of girlfriends, why he had luck with the girls and I had none.  Wasn’t I good looking enough?

His answer, coming from the heart of the true friend he was to me, stayed with me for the next 15 years.  He said:  “You are a ruggedly handsome looking sort of guy.  Don’t worry, it will happen…..!”

In that instant, I associated ruggedly handsome with being unlucky in love, a poor communicator with women, and everything else negative that I was experiencing.  I suddenly realised how much I didn’t like being ‘ruggedly handsome’…

Life went on.  I left the family farm I grew up on and bought my own, married, had a son, divorced, lost a business, started another, became very successful at making people wealthy after rescuing them and their businesses from the stock market disaster in 1987.  Life was great, I was powering, had money, everything, but despite all this I still didn’t like me.

In 1989, I began some self development work on me.  I had to – I was a machine at work, ruthlessly despatching banks to the scrap-heap in getting better deals for my clients, hard-nosed negotiations, precision calculations, strategies, but utterly devoid of fun or interest in life and living.  I was great at what I did, but at living, I sucked badly.

In this self development program, something triggered a switch in me.  I took stock of what I had achieved, what I was doing and what I was capable of.  I looked at the amazing people around me, people who considered us to be friends, people who respected me, and it started to do things to me, in my head, stuff I had never felt before.  I was successful, I had so much credibility with the people I worked with, I mixed with globally significant figures in business and was developing a significant business profile in my own right.

I had an epiphany.  I got out of bed one morning after a period of these unsettling thoughts and emotions (what were they?) and when I looked in the mirror, it was like I looked at a different person.  I suddenly said “You’re OK!  I’m OK!”

I suddenly realised that what my dear friend said all those years ago was absolutely wrong for me.  It was just his well-meaning words at the time, trying to ease the concerns of his good mate, who wasn’t getting lucky with the girls.  That wasn’t me.  If it was back then, it certainly wasn’t now.  In that instant, I got to like me, like what I was, what I did, what I stood for and I started to feel again, starting with feeling good about me!

The epiphany came about because I had been forced, by this self development work, to start looking at and taking stock of my life and coming to realise that I was actually an OK guy, doing some great stuff!

This was the hard way to develop self esteem.  It might just as easily have gone the other way – if I didn’t like what I found in my stocktake, it might have gone very differently.

#Self Esteem

This was me – without the dress!
courtesy of pregoandtheloon.wordpress.com

But there is an easier way.

The second way to guarantee high self esteem.

In the 1960’s, a guy called Maxwell Maltz is reported to have said at the launch of one of his books, ‘confidence and self esteem is built from repeated experiences of success’.

Therefore, if you consciously place yourself in situations where you will, or are likely to have repeated experiences of success, then your self esteem and confidence will grow.  It must grow!  The trick is knowing where that place is!

The reality is that it’s not hard.  The concept of goalsetting within a self development program is what is required.  Creating an environment that nurtures and supports you, with affirmations in the environment, daily counting of successes, setting them up as little goals in the morning and checking them off each evening, checking your moods each day, learning to be aware of them and finally to anticipate and set them consciously, all of these elements build to a powerful self esteem, based on actual successes and personal growth within you.

#Self Esteem

This was REALLY me!
Courtesy of www.lifedaily.com

You can build self esteem accidentally like I did, and hope that after some time (I took 15 years!) you will realise you are OK too, and you always were.  Or you can step into a framework that does it all for you.  It’s possible.  Check out this blog on why you should systemize personal development, or even here, about why bother with personal development.

Twenty years on, much has evolved to enable you to consciously choose the outcomes that I stumbled upon, and fortunately landed in a good place.  Some folks from those times didn’t make it and unfortunately ended up well away from where they wanted to be.  As teens, we admired and envied some of our mates but now, I see that much of what we envied got those guys into serious trouble fitting into and creating a life of success.

There are better ways.  And they all require good self esteem!

If you enjoyed this blog and value the message, please share it and reblog it.  Who knows what a difference it could make in someone else’s life!  To start your new life, with a healthy dose of Self Esteem, start HERE!

Til next time, fair winds and full sails.

Ray

“You can always find the sun within yourself if you will only search.” ― Maxwell Maltz
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