Tag Archives: awareness

Driven or Drifting

#Driven or drifting

Driven? Image from Forza Motorsport

#Driven or drifting

Drifting? Image from duotraq.com

Driven or Drifting

“Freedom lies in being bold.” ― Robert Frost

We are moving house at the moment. It’s a time of frantic activity, packing, planning and preparing for a major change. And it’s OK! We are enjoying the activity because we know there are great things to look forward to. The knowing is driving us forward to the new experiences we will share there.

After we arrive at our new home, we’ll unpack, get ourselves settled in, and then relax.

From time to time in everyone’s life, we are driven by a need, compulsion, goal or ambition, or fear. At other times, when none of these stimulants are present, we can find ourselves drifting, just cruising. Both are OK. As long as we are aware of what state we are in, and are happy with it.

It’s when we are unconsciously in a state of either being #driven or drifting that we can get into trouble.

Can you be unconsciously driven?

Yes. Consider the workaholic. Ask them why they work 18 hours a day and they may not know, or just say there’s “a lot on at the moment” and keep working. However, it’s a subconscious compulsion, driven by who knows what. It’s not something they can control; it actually controls them, and in the process, may ruin lives, relationships, health, businesses and more.

#Driven or drifting

Choices… Workaholic! Image from rockinmarriage.com

Workaholics are not the only ones driven by unconscious compulsions and drivers. There are all the other ‘holics’ as well, plus those obsessed with anything that prevents them from enjoying the ebb and flow of normal life. Collectors are a great example. It’s wonderful to collect items of special significance to you. However, when it takes over your life, costs you financially, emotionally, ruins relationships, health and families, even your best friend will suggest that your obsession with collecting bottle tops has taken over – your life is no longer your own!

Can you be unconsciously drifting?

Yes, again. When the rush dies down, it’s nice to sit on the couch and watch a movie, or read a book. It’s a natural cycle of life that we rest and recharge the batteries before the next big push. But what if there is no ‘next big push’?

The danger of being too comfortable.

When life is cruising like this, each day is a routine where nothing challenging happens, perhaps beyond some traffic, your team losing or the local store being out of your favourite item, the danger is that your mind, and sometimes your muscles, atrophy. “Use it or lose it” is the old saying, and there’s a lot of value in it.

#Driven or drifting

Opportunity passing by. Image from wilywalnut.com

We know that one of the greatest defences against mental illnesses such as Parkinson’s or dementia, for example, is to actively challenge your mind. Crossword puzzles, electronic games and other specific mental activities force the mind and the brain to work and create fresh new neural pathways, that somehow manage to stave off the onset of these degenerative mental illnesses for years, even when there is a genetic predisposition towards them. Being lazy has a terrible price to pay, and it’s not a direct cost. It’s the cost of what you can lose, both in opportunity and function, by not getting out and taking part in life, contributing and being challenged by life. Sometimes the greatest losses are only realised later, when you learn that an incredible opportunity passed by, while you were sitting on your couch!

Balancing life’s driven and drifting cycles.

Human beings need goals, as something to aim for, a purpose, something to identify with and to look forward to.  As a species, we need something to look forward to, something to give us some brightness of the future, some hope. Even the worst day or mood can be lifted when the person is shown a little something they value, something to look forward to. At best, the goals we set can be empowering, motivating and inspirational, as they should be. Whether it’s a family goal, or the love of family that motivates and drives us, or whether it’s a goal to be the greatest in the world at something, it doesn’t matter. As long as it moves us, and stops the atrophy.

However, to balance it, we all need some downtime. Our bodies have a “circadian rhythm”, a 24 hour cycle in which we are programmed for a period of driven activity, and a period when the program is for the body to sleep, to rest and recuperate. Driven or drifting throughout a 24 hour period. Genetically, this is how we are programmed.

Mentally, it’s similar with being driven or drifting, but with different time frames. If we have an interest in something, we are inspired and motivated by it, but when we complete that challenge, the drive to understand and master it, that drive often dissipates and we can move on from it. Depending on what it is, that cycle can last from moments to days, months or years. At the end of that cycle, the mind needs to tune out, before tuning in again on something new.

Even the most satisfying career or job needs us to take a break, to maintain our freshness and enthusiasm. We take annual holidays – at least, we should! Most employment contracts specify some time off each year, but it’s great also to take breaks on weekends, to escape from the rush, the drive and to ‘smell the roses’, appreciating our family and friends and life other than the career or driving force.

#Driven or drifting

Moving house? Image from removalists.com

Just like my wife and I will rest after we move into our lovely new home, and unpack the boxes containing our lives. We will rest, recover and start the forward planning process again, from a new base.

Are you locked into a rhythm of being too much driven or drifting?

How do you know? And what can you do about it?

The first step towards regaining control of life, whether you are driven or drifting, is to be aware of what you are doing. Consciousness is not something everyone is good at! How many times have you driven to work, and only realised when you arrived that you had no memory of the trip? Or the train or bus ride? When we develop a routine of checking in on awareness each day, we regain consciousness of our activities, our thoughts and our direction, and only then can we begin to take back control of our lives. That provides the opportunity to decide on our driven or drifting schedules, when to set and work on our inspirational goals, and when to take time to relax, recuperate and drift along with the flow of life.

The next step is to consciously assess where we are in life compared to where we want to be, and decide on how to make up the differences. Setting goals to achieve the necessary steps to catch up to where we decided perhaps in our youth, where we wanted to be by each certain age. Life throws us curve balls, and only when we become conscious do we realise that we haven’t achieved everything we wanted, or we are not feeling the satisfaction from it that we expected.

That’s when a program to raise awareness and provide the discipline and skills you need to get back on track can be such a powerful aid to progressing towards the life you dreamed of. That program would inspire you each morning, refresh your goals for you and point out the action steps you needed to take that day, provide you with a ‘to do’ list of other life matters for the day, and close your day with a cheer, congratulating you on your achievements, and inspiring you to look forward to tomorrow. You can have that program; it’s HERE! To find out more about it, click this link and picture yourself moving forward into the life you dreamed of, only this time, with the guidebook you always knew was somewhere to be had. Now you can have it!

If you feel inspired to take the next step now, perhaps others will too. Please forward this article and share it with others who you feel want more from their lives too. Change their lives, as well as your own.

Til next time, fair winds and full sails!

Ray Jamieson

When you take charge of your life, there is no longer need to ask permission of other people or society at large. When you ask permission, you give someone veto power over your life.   Abert F. Geoffrey

#Driven or drifting

I’m my own man! Image from super-trainer.com

Empowerment for Teens

#Empowerment for teens

Moving on up!
Image from everydaylife.globalpost.com

Empowerment for Teens

#Empowerment for teens

The fugitives
Image from www.dvdmg.com

In the movies, you see the police chasing the fugitives and the wily old detective says something like “to catch them, we need to understand what drives them”…  Big game hunters say something similar, even now when hunting with a camera for shots for National Geographic, they need to understand what motivates their targets before they can film them.  Do you see the pattern?

No, we are not hunting for teenagers.  We know where they are, mostly.…  But why?  Why are teenagers, just like teenagers?  What drives a teenager to behave as a teenager?

No, it’s not a trick question.  In answering it, we can understand and find #empowerment for teens and teach them how they can be happier teens.  To do this, we need to go way back into human evolution, thousands of generations.  Back when achieving and surviving your teens was a bit like reaching pension age.  The world was a savage place, survival was not guaranteed and there was no social security when things got tough.

Early humans were programmed to survive and to continue their species, in a very hostile environment where man was not the supreme predator.  Understanding the human program is the key to understanding teenagers and children, and to helping them make it safely into adulthood!

What is this “human program”?

The human program is to:

  • Survive
  • Explore
  • Experience
  • Identify
  • Procreate
  • Leave a legacy

Understanding this programming enables both teens and parents to understand how the most appropriate Empowerment for Teens can be achieved, especially in the modern world.

Looking at the programs one by one, we can see how they apply, and match behaviours according to the inbuilt human programming.

Survive

#Empowerment for teens

Fight or flight!
www.lookandlearn.com

We are born into an alien world, helpless, without language, unable to walk or feed ourselves, totally reliant on someone else to protect and nurture us and teach us to survive.

That is a scary deal!  Different people/babies react in different ways.  Some are demanding and scream until Mother comes to cuddle, feed them or give them attention.  That is how they survive, by demanding attention.  Others are cute and use being cute to keep Mother close by, to nurture, cuddle and feed their little ‘cutey pie’.  Yet others are funny, laughing and playful and their antics keep mother close by because it’s fun for her too, to feed, cuddle and nurture her little ‘clown’.  And so our babies find ways to survive.

All through our lives, we find ways to survive.  Those can become sub-personalities, but more on this in our next blog on ‘Empowerment for Children’.  Suffice to say, we adopt sub-personalities as survival strategies as we grow older.

Explore

#Empowerment for teens

Young Explorers
Image from www.prime-movies.net

Can’t keep kids at home?  Of course not!  Since they learned they had wriggly things called fingers that they could see and control, each child has been an explorer.  Some do it through books, some through TV, some on computers and some just run wild!  It’s their nature!  The young mind grows fastest in its formative years because as part of the survival process, they have to learn what’s going on around them!  Their curiosity is natural and healthy!

They explore the world they have discovered.  That is how man pushed out of Africa’s Olduvai Gorge and populated the world.  It’s why Columbus sailed west across the Atlantic in three tiny sailing ships and discovered the New World.  It’s why the Pilgrims settled in North America.  It’s why Captain Cook sailed around the world three times – it’s what he did – he was an explorer.  It’s why my family emigrated to Australia a hundred years ago!

Experience

Why do any of us do what we do?  We are experience creating machines!  Our eyes are the most powerful visual sensory units ever – the most incredible telescopes are still not as versatile as the human eye.  Our ears hear and interpret sounds across a vast range and translate them into a language we communicate with.  Our skin is the largest sensory organ.  Our nose is a delicate smelling tool and our tongue’s taste buds can send us over the moon from exquisite food delicacies.  Deeper within, we have senses that intuit and compute on a level beyond consciousness to bring our world alive in another way.

This is just what an astronomer does with a new telescope, a racing driver does with a new car, and a sailor does with a new yacht!  As a teenager, given new awareness of and freedom with this amazing situation called life and a fabulous body to explore it with, wouldn’t you want to find out how far you can take it?  How amazing an experience you could create?

Identify

#Empowerment for teens

Teens together
From www.digitaltrends.com

As babies, we experience life through our mothers, not as individuals until time has passed and we begin to exercise control over our body.  Mother is still close but we learn that we can safely venture away a little.  As years pass, we venture further, finally heading off to school, joining a class of children the same age, doing the same classroom exercises.

As teens, classroom shackles are lessened; we have freedom to explore.  Freedom to meet and form groups of our choosing, not classrooms chosen for us.  This is where friendships, group associations and identities begin to form.  This is where young people begin to search for others like them, who think and feel the way they do, who they feel safe expressing their fears and doubts and joys and delights with.  Mum and Dad are always giving us rules to follow; teachers have other rules; where can we be free, together?  This is where we see the gangs as well as special interest groups form.  Some play football, some are cheerleaders, some play chess, some hang out in the mall and pick on little kids for their pocket money.  Identities are formed, sometimes directly aligned with our survival sub-personalities from infancy.

Procreate

#Empowerment for teens

Teen romance
asp.cumc.columbia.edu

Possibly the next most powerful force after survival is procreation, the program for the species to reproduce and ensure its survival.  It is the nature of life to procreate.  Life will always find a way.

With human beings, this program is set to explode as the body reaches the stage when it is physically mature enough to reproduce – based on a situation that humans faced many thousands of years ago, when old age could be anything beyond teenage years!  In those days, with a very short life expectancy, reproduction had to begin as early as possible and happen often, because mortality was high and more children were needed to ensure there were enough who lived for survival of the tribe.

Now, the tribe would rather the teenagers waited until they were married before this process happens.  The program says otherwise; it screams it loudly and urgently to the teens and won’t take no for an answer!

Leave a legacy

#Empowerment for teens

Graffiti?
By erinsingleton.wordpress.com

Some of the most fascinating art ever done is cave art from thousands of years ago, notably the Painted Caves in France.  This is early man leaving a legacy.  So why are we surprised when kids tag trains and walls with spray cans of paint?  We venerate one form as art but vilify the other!  The reality is that it is a program, just as much as it was for Leonardo to paint the Mona Lisa, Michelangelo the Sistine Chapel, for Bill Gates to create Microsoft and the Bill and Melinda Gates foundation, and for so many of us to want to write a book.  It’s a legacy.

We are born with a burning question:  “Why are we here?”  How else will anyone ever know we were here?  Our legacy has some answers.

How does this relate to Empowerment for Teens?

Whilst this blog is not a teen operating manual, it gives insight into behavioural drives that motivate and provide empowerment for teens.  It’s handy for parents to understand, as well as for teens.  Teens want to understand themselves, because in their search for ways to survive, explore, experience, identify, procreate and leave a legacy, they want to understand other teens too.  Empowerment for teens through these inbuilt programs is a subconscious, impatient driver and motivator.  If teens were more conscious of it, and if education became better targeted in these areas, they could control it better and empowerment for teens could be managed, even harnessed!  Currently, motivators for teen behaviours are at best a mystery for many parents, as well as the teens!

How to provide empowerment for teens

#Empowerment for teens

Family fun outings
From www.telegraph.co.uk

The key to this is understanding the motivators and providing opportunities for them to occur naturally, without threatening the teenagers’ development.  When these ancient programs developed, two main skills required were to hunt and to fight.  Now, many are in school or university til mid twenties and neither of those skills are called upon.  We are programs screaming around in a body with nowhere to express ourselves!

With survival not really an issue, exploration, experiences and identity become the primary drivers for early teens.  Providing suitable safe opportunities for these enables curious teens to develop in ways that will enable them to have a safe and fun journey through their world, and take the pressure off for the next two programs to begin – that of procreation and leaving a legacy.  Education enables them to identify and form bonds with the groups most suitable for them.  Without the pressures of survival, they can take their time to decide to procreate when they have prepared for it.

Taking a giant leap forward to look at Maslow’s hierarchy, we can see that ‘self actualisation’ is at the top.  Effectively this is delaying the “leaving a legacy” until the other drives have been satisfied – suggesting that it is a more naturally occurring process after teen years, provided all other drives are satisfied.

The practical application of Empowerment for Teens 

#Empowerment for teens

Family discussion over dinner
fromdiploma2dreamjob.com

When working with and searching for real empowerment for teens, look at what stage they are at and what program is driving them.  When you know they want to explore and experience, don’t lock them in a bland room with homework.  Find a way to give them experiences that satisfy their drives, as well as provide an environment that brings their homework and education alive.  Enable them to meet and experience wider groups of people and cultures to enable them to choose the identities they relate to, but from a much wider range of options.  Don’t force choices from a narrow range of options or they will rebel in their need to explore and survive.

Educational experiences with cultures and expressions outside the norm of daily life will provide healthy empowerment for teens and an enthusiasm for more of what life has to offer.  When youth and enthusiasm meet, the other barnacles of life such as arguing with parents, chores and homework become insignificant issues that no longer represent limits to their freedom.  Rather, they see them as part of their freedom, opportunities and way of life.

This creates healthy relationships in which communication is usually much better.  Issues such as procreation – boyfriends and girlfriends, sex education, career and life directions can actually become interesting family discussions.  When family remain friends, identities are also more closely fostered and often less radically chosen.

However, remember that generalities are generally wrong.  Expect that teens will always surprise everyone, including themselves!

To assist with providing discipline that is not parental, but rather self guided and self consolidating success habits, a program of daily encouragement, teaching goalsetting, affirmations, rewarding achievement, journalling thoughts and feelings and raising awareness of emotions and the daily lessons of life is vital and incredibly powerful.  Such a program is Life Change 90.  Click HERE to begin your Personal Empowerment Program NOW!

If you feel this post has contributed to empowerment for teens, please share and reblog amongst your friends and associates.  So many are crying out for empowerment for teens, but don’t realise that it is within reach.  Your sharing may change the life of another – everyone deserves personal empowerment and this could be the day you make a difference!

Til next time, fair winds and full sails,

Ray Jamieson

Please also refer to my related posts on Empowerment:

Empowerment through Emotional intelligence

Financial Empowerment

Empowerment for Children

Empowerment

Empowerment for Men

Empowerment for Women

Personal Empowerment

What would an empowered man do?

 

Empowerment for Women

#Empowerment for women

Empowered!
Image from laracatone.com

 

Empowerment for Women

“There came a time when the risk to remain tight in the bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.” ~Anais Nin – See more at: http://livingempowered.areavoices.com/2010/10/top-25-empowerment-quotations-for-women/#sthash.xjr8fBtb.dpuf
“There came a time when the risk to remain tight in the bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.” ~Anais Nin – See more at: http://livingempowered.areavoices.com/2010/10/top-25-empowerment-quotations-for-women/#sthash.xjr8fBtb.dpuf
“There came a time when the risk to remain tight in the bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.” ~Anais Nin – See more at: http://livingempowered.areavoices.com/2010/10/top-25-empowerment-quotations-for-women/#sthash.xjr8fBtb.dpuf

“There came a time when the risk to remain tight in the bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.” ~Anais Nin

In a previous era, women had neither the right to vote, nor the right to complain.  Most women from before 200 years ago were treated like servants or objects.  The wealthy classes in western civilizations held their women in higher esteem but they still had significantly less voice than their male counterparts.  Even those who were loved, cherished and respected by their husbands were still second class citizens in the broader community, with neither voting power nor political influence.  Their goals had to be pursued through subtleties and relationship influence. There was no #empowerment for women.

#Empowerment for women

Empowerment?
Image from chersonandmolschky.com

In eastern civilisations and cultures, even today women still have limited rights, even where they have voting powers.  Many cultures and religions do not allow their women to have an education.  They insist on them being totally covered while in public.  They are strictly forbidden communication with other men and their movements within their communities is also restricted.  There is a huge rallying cry in the Middle East right now about whether or not women should legally be allowed the right to drive motor cars!

Empowerment for women throughout history.

If we look back thousands of years, Mother Earth was The Goddess and many societies were matriarchal.  Rather than the patriarchal societies which most of the world has now, women were at the head, especially in religious and community leadership.  The men were the hunters and muscle, while the women were the nurturers and spiritual and community leaders.  Some words in common use now attest to this, words such as Amazon – referring to a tribe of female warriors, Gaia, a Mother Earth deity worshipped by many, and the Gods of mythology, Athena, Aphrodite and more.  Women had great influence in Egyptian societies from time to time, ruling equally with their Pharaohs and even without them.  The Iroquois Confederacy or League created an American Indian ‘constitution’ called The Great Binding Law of Peace dating from about 1000 AD but unwritten until the late 1800s.  This enshrined women in governing roles of the society and is a powerful document to read and assimilate.  Ken Carey wrote about it in some chapters of “Return of the Bird Tribes”.

#Empowerment for women

Indian Artifact
www.webwinds.com

However, in Christian societies, the patriarchal model was adopted from the dark and middle ages and we now see the Pope as the head of the Catholic Church.  Women are not even allowed to be priests, despite their once traditional roles as Priestesses!  The great exception from this rule was established by the various Queens of England and consolidated by the current Queen Elizabeth, with a continual reign of over 60 years.

Empowerment for women in the modern era.

Back on the home front, in our modern day-to-day communities, women still face a “glass ceiling” in the workplace, lower wages for the same employment roles and a smaller proportion of women in management.  They are publicly lauded as having equality in everything and various anti-discrimination bodies are set up around the world and even within the organisation of the United Nations.  However, should a woman ‘make it to the top’, it is headline news because of the rarity of the event.  Many men still feel threatened by having to work for a woman boss!

#Empowerment for women

Burning a Bra
uncyclopedia.wikia.com

In the mad rush for equality and empowerment for women through the 1960s and beyond where ‘burning the bra’ became the standard for the liberationists.  Unfortunately, women created a rod for their own backs in many ways.  Rather than celebrating their differences, many tried to ignore them and claim total equality where in truth, women and men have differences in areas of strength and weakness.  Had the push for equality of status been along these lines, perhaps the male segment of the population may not have felt so threatened and either openly or covertly tried to crush the movement.  As it is, covert discrimination still exists.  It will exist for another couple of generations, regardless of the progress of any anti-discrimination laws.

In the home, we see a huge proportion of single parent families, many women who are divorced single parents, raising their children alone.  In many cases it is because they became personally empowered and escaped a toxic relationship.  Others are because of desertion by their husbands.  Fewer men are single parents and then it is often because of the loss of the mother through some tragedy, as in divorce court outcomes, more often than not custody has been given to the mother.

This suggests a societal situation that women are less empowered in general than men.  Certainly women have less outright power.  However, there is another way of looking at it.

If we consider a relationship where domestic violence is occurring, in most cases it is the woman who is the victim.  The male is the aggressor.  However, bullying behaviour, and that is what it is, mostly occurs because of a lack of empowerment of the bully.  If this bully was a self confident person, with high self esteem and a feeling of security within themselves and about their lives in general, there would be no inclination to be a bully, or to try to overpower or exert their will by force on another person, spouse, partner or otherwise.  Therefore, who is the person with a lack of empowerment?

Will empowerment for women change the issues of the glass ceiling and domestic violence?

#Empowerment for women

Glass ceiling
www.globaltoynews.com

On a very personal level, empowerment for women will provide women with a greater sense of self esteem and confidence in daily living.  That is vital.  It will provide the strength women need to break down the barriers of societies everywhere, in all cultures, religions and countries, at every level of communities, to really enjoy the benefits of equality of relationships and genuinely shared, happy lives.

Empowerment for women will still threaten some men.  That is an issue that will not go away any time soon. While ever patriarchal models are cemented in place, there will be opponents to the progress of women directly in community, national, corporate and global leadership.

How can personal empowerment for women be gained?

What can an ordinary woman, with little interest in politics or other leadership roles outside her family, what can she do to gain this empowerment for women?  It’s always the little things that matter.  Just as a house is made from thousands of bricks, so is empowerment, self confidence and self esteem.  It’s the little success habits that build the character of a person, male or female, to give them empowerment in all circumstances.

Empowerment for women does not mean they are to become all powerful and domineering.  Rather, it means that as an empowered person, they have the core strength of character to refuse to accept disempowering behaviour and attitudes from others!  A critical distinction.

Can empowerment for women be misunderstood?

If you find you have to force, cajole, bully or manipulate people to get things done, you do not have empowerment; you are a bully or manipulator.  If people flock to your leadership and are eager to assist you, then you have empowerment.  That should be your goal.

At times, some women will take it too far.  As a guy who was raised by a father who was chivalrous and respected and doted on his wife/my mother, I have at times opened doors for women without asking because it was the chivalrous thing to do.  I have been told rather rudely, to perform certain almost gymnastic feats on myself for my efforts.  I paid a compliment to a lady once on the incredible colours of her dress and the rebuke was “What the hell do YOU want?”  Those women were not empowered – rather, they were suffering the same insecurities that a bully character has and that is precisely what they need to evolve beyond.

Confidence is built on repeated experiences of success.  A program that delivers repeated experiences of success, through daily pats on the back, affirmations of your self worth, consolidation and recognition of your achievements and teaches goalsetting as a way of life, is a vital and necessary component of any intention to gain empowerment for women and men.  Finding your lesson from each day, acknowledging your successes of each day, gaining awareness of and control over your moods and emotions each day, breaking through the 0ld conditioning and patterns, learning to receive love as well as give it, these are critical to personal empowerment and are all built into the Life Change 90 program, designed especially for personal empowerment.  Begin your journey to becoming a more Empowered Woman here, NOW!

How will you know when you have ‘got’ empowerment for women?

I was once told by a woman that the absolute worst thing that can happen is to arrive at a function and find that another woman is wearing the same dress!  An empowered woman will not be concerned.  In fact, she will have the confidence and self assuredness to make everyone think the other lady was trying to copy her, but doing a terrible job!  That is empowerment!  That level of self confidence, that ability to walk into a room and know you created waves and not be concerned about it, that is empowerment for women.  It is way beyond how you look, what you wear or weigh.  Empowerment transcends.

#Empowerment for women

An Empowered Woman
winthem.blogspot.com

However, we are not trying to empower just one woman to be a figurehead.  Empowerment for women is a global phenomenon that most people wish for.  Referring back to the Empowerment Tone Scale in a previous post, you can see that the personal empowerment of EACH woman is a small step toward empowerment for ALL women and only in this way can empowerment for women be gained.

More empowerment to you!

If you feel this post has contributed to empowerment for women, please share and reblog amongst your friends and associates.  So many people are crying out for empowerment, yet don’t understand that it is within easy reach.  Perhaps your sharing will change the life of another – everyone deserves personal empowerment and this could be the day you make a difference!

Til next time, fair winds and full sails,

Ray Jamieson

“I do not wish [women] to have power over men; but over themselves.” ~Mary Wollstonecraft

Please also refer to my related posts on Empowerment:

Empowerment through Emotional Intelligence

Empowered by Love

Financial Empowerment

Empowerment

Empowerment for Men

Empowerment for Teens

Empowerment for Children

Personal Empowerment

What would an empowered man do?

 

Empowerment for women

Image from edelomahony.com

Empowerment for Men

#Empowerment for men

Strength and gentleness
Image from epicanthic.blogspot.com

As we look ahead into the next century, our leaders will be those who empower others. — Bill Gates

Empowerment for Men

There is a subtle distinction between commanding respect and loyalty, and demanding it.  The actions and words may be exactly the same; the distinction lies in the heart of the one desiring it.

#Empowerment for men

King Richard the Lionheart
Image from www.themiddleages.net

Throughout history, great leaders have been loved and their legacy lives on down the ages, with fond memories of them and their deeds.  They commanded the respect and loyalty of troops, nations, families and congregations.

Throughout history also, dictators have commanded great armies and nations but are reviled and their memories and legacies are of hate and revulsion.  Idi Amin, Hitler and many more whose names you will know.  These dictators are not limited to presidents, they occur in families also and the hate and revulsion felt for them is the same except that at this level, it is very, very personal.

So what is the distinction?

Empowerment for men is about the place us guys come from when we face the world.

If we feel the need to bully to get what we want, what we are really saying is “I’m not feeling confident or secure so I need to take what I want from people less powerful or able to defend themselves than me”.  This feeling of insecurity is the root cause of most of the bullying and dictatorial behaviour on the planet.

What is the option?

#Empowerment for men

The Butcher of Africa – Idi AMin
Image from www.barnesandnoble.com

True #empowerment for men comes from a place of humility and service orientation, where we ask the world “How can I be of service?  How can I make this a better place?  What can I offer?”  Oddly enough, people rarely take advantage of a man who is strong and humble enough to ask these questions.  Instead, his open-mindedness and leadership is recognised.  People flock to him for his leadership, his strength and guidance.  Whether in a family, a congregation or a nation’s armies or parliament, leadership and strength combined with genuine humility is recognised, loved and admired.

When these two men pass, the dictator is reviled and the leader revered.  Empowerment for men is the distinction.  Guys, remember this – your legacy is already under construction.  People are already making judgements on how you will be remembered.  Think about it; if you don’t like the legacy they believe you will leave, it’s time to start over.

And yes, it can be done.  Empowerment for men is not an event.  Empowerment for men is a way of life, if it is to mean anything at all.

Empowerment for men is not an accident.  It is a state of being that is chosen as a way of life.  Sometimes the choices are unconscious, based purely on the conscience instilled in us by our upbringing – whether good or bad.

Many great leaders had miserable, poverty stricken and abusive childhoods, yet they rose to prominence despite, or was it because of their poor start?  When one is so low that there is nothing left to lose, many have thrown down the gauntlet and aimed for the top – knowing any progress at all is a step off the bottom rung of the ladder.  Look at the likes of Cardinal Jaime Sin of the Philippines, Archbishop Desmond Tutu and the recently deceased Nelson Mandela of South Africa.  These men grew up through an era of incredible racial hatred and vilification in nations divided by race – between different warring tribes, by colour, between blacks, whites and other coloureds and cultures, and by wealth and poverty levels.  It is a melting pot from which you could not imagine any winners but these men shone through and created legacies that affected not only their own families and country, but the global communities as well!

#Empowerment for men

The Kennedy Brothers
Image from www.pbs.org

Some great leaders were born into the roles, such as the Kennedy brothers.  Wealth and power were their birthright.  However, it was the birthright of other men also who abused it and became monsters.  The Kennedy brothers created a legacy that has become mythical; they virtually created a royalty class in the republic of the USA.

How can the average guy, like you and me, gain empowerment for men?

It’s not hard, but it requires conscious effort if it is not already in evidence.  It requires us to be aware of these distinctions and consciously choose humility and service, it requires putting our leadership out there on offer, and it requires action to follow through.

Not all of this is going to come naturally, especially the part about it being a ‘state of mind’.  We need to stand guard at the gateways to our minds, to ensure that what we feed our minds is healthy.  We need to remind ourselves constantly, daily, that we are not here to harvest, but to plant the seeds that will become the harvest.  We do this by creating within ourselves the desire to become more, and better at being ourselves.

#Empowerment for men

Catch, Dad!
m.inmagine.com

For a father, be a better, more considerate parent, who takes time to parent his children.  This can be as simple as reading bedtime stories to your babies and toddlers, changing their diapers when they need it, cuddling them and kissing them goodnight.  As they grow, it means teaching them to play ball in the park – not because you want them to be a champion ball player, but because it’s fun for them and it teaches them to run and enjoy life and grow fit and healthy.  It gives them hand/eye coordination and a sense of achievement when they catch the ball.  When they get to school, attend the school plays, the sporting events, the parent and teacher meetings, show an interest so that when they enter their challenging teen years, you are already an important part of their life to them, and you don’t have to fight to get your message heard.  You already have their trust and love and now when they need you, they will trust you enough to come to you for guidance and help – not just cash!

For a husband, be thoughtful and considerate.  Study what it takes to be a better partner, lover, friend and

#Empowerment for men

Date night!
Image from blamebilly.com

confidante.  Earn the trust of your wife, encourage her to feel a sense of achievement in her life and be proud of her, the amazing woman who was incredible enough at some time in your life, to win your heart and accept you with all your faults.  Share the workload with her.  That doesn’t mean offering to wash the dishes and breaking them all and creating more work!  No, contribute what you do best, whatever that is, to take the load from her.  That will definitely mean diapers, taxi driving kids to sports events and sharing the discipline roles.  And be a great lover – one who takes her on date nights, surprises her with flowers and gifts, and sometimes leaves a lovely card around for her to find and show her you really do think lovely thoughts of her all through the day.

As a community member, stand up and be counted when it counts.  Wallflowers get nothing and give nothing, community leaders are in the middle and up the front, looking first to the betterment of conditions for their family, through making their community better.

Elected leaders take an oath of office, but less live it than take it.  However, genuine leaders are already living way beyond any oath that could be taken.  The oath that is sworn is the minimum expectation of the elected official – the true leader is always going the extra mile!

How will you know if you have gained this elusive ‘empowerment for men’?

You will look around you and see the evidence.  Success leaves clues, but so does failures.  Look at the faces and in the hearts of the people around you and you will know if empowerment for men has been your way.  Your people will admire, respect, love and follow you to hell and back.  It is either empowerment for men and everyone around you, or you became a dictator and have a group of “yes men” or servants – you can’t have it both ways.  The evidence will be there.  If you can’t find the evidence, just check to see if you are a wallflower, still waiting to make your contribution to the world.

On a personal level, how can you gain empowerment for men?

Empowerment for men and in fact, anyone, is best done through a structured program that puts you on a course that teaches you the self-discipline and self development necessary to change your life.  No, it’s not hard – just constant, and being human, we can forget.  We can slip up and before you know it, a month has gone by and you realise you haven’t set or checked off a goal, made an affirmation, or acknowledged a lesson from a day passing.  A simple program, a few minutes morning and evening is all it takes to reshape your thinking and feelings to empower you to make new, better and conscious decisions about your life and the people you care about.  That program could be Life Change 90.

I wrote about this recently in a post called EMPOWERMENT and it’s worth a revisit, to review the EMPOWERMENT TONE SCALE.

As you work on your daily self development program, you will see that you are continually moving your emotional and mental state up to empowerment, from where you can change your world and the world and lives of those around you. 

Worth considering.  Empowerment for men, and any guy who wants to become one!  Start your journey to becoming a more Empowered Man here, NOW!

If you feel this blog has provided empowerment for men, women and their families, please reblog it and share it with other men and families around you.  The world needs empowerment for men to lead it out of the morass of apathy, violence and destruction we seem to be plagued with.  Only empowered people will have the strength of leadership necessary to take us forward.  Perhaps you will be the one who puts this in front of such a person and makes the difference.

Til next time, fair winds and full sails,

Ray Jamieson

“The power to change your life lies in the simplest of steps.”
― Steve Maraboli

Please also refer to my related links on Empowerment:

Empowerment through Emotional Intelligence

Empowered by Love

Financial Empowerment

Empowerment

Empowerment for Women

Empowerment for Teens

Empowerment for Children

Personal Empowerment

What would an empowered man do?

Next Year

NEXT YEAR

#Next Year

Image from www.wunderground.com
A new beginning

“Although no one can go back and make a brand new start, anyone can start from now and make a brand new ending.” ― Carl Bard

How was your last year?

For most people, about this time of the year, thinking about last year is pretty much the focal point of their inner reflections.

What will make next year different?

Only 2 things can or ever will make a difference in your life, its outcomes and your achievements from year to year:

#Next Year

Image From www.goodreads.com

  1. The things you read, study and take into your heart and mind
  2. The people you meet and allow to have an effect on you

(Paraphrased from Charlie Tremendous Jones)

What Charlie meant was that unless we do something different, such as allow ourselves to learn something new so we can do something new, only then can something different happen to us!  If you are riding on rails like a tram, the destination is already pre-arranged!  #Next year will be the same!

What can you do to ensure that positive change happens next year?

I have two recommendations only; two blog posts for you to read at these links, and then to act upon:

  1. Self development – why bother?
  2. Why systemize personal development?

Why bother with Self Development for Next Year?

If you didn’t like what last year brought, it’s time to make some changes.  For things to change outside, first they need to change INSIDE!  To HAVE something different, we need to BECOME something different!

Why systemize Self Development for Next Year?

Systems work!  You think you are a free spirit, but you are totally systemized in everything that works perfectly.

You eat something, it goes into your digestive system.

You think, choose to move a muscle, and it works through your nervous system.

You book a flight or a hotel room, it goes into the reservations system.

You post a letter, it goes into the postal system… Hey, not EVERY system is perfect every time, but you get the idea – systems work, because they deliver a result, pretty much every time.  If you realise you need some personal development, when you systemize it, you’ll find it works better too.  That can eliminate the ‘losing track’ or ‘forgetting to do it’ problems most people find when working on their personal development.

#Next Year

Take Action NOW!
Image from www.modularhomecoach.com

Once you have read these two blogs, don’t just sit there – take action!  Plug into a ready-made system that is waiting to help you make the changes you want in your life.  Dial them in and turn up in your life each day – the system will take care of it from there. CLICK HERE NOW TO BEGIN!

It needn’t be hard work.  After all, you were going to wake up and have a day each morning, weren’t you?  This will just make it flow better and give you something to be pleased with at the end of each day, and put a spring in your step at the start of each day.

My wish is that you DO have a much better next year.  This is how you can do it!

If you feel this has been valuable to you, please share or reblog it for others to enjoy and gain from also.  Everyone deserves the chance to make their next year better than their last!

Til next time, fair winds and full sails!

Ray Jamieson

“Failure is the opportunity to begin again more intelligently.” – Henry Ford

To Be Loved

TO BE LOVED

“Love looks not with the eyes, but with the mind,
And therefore is winged Cupid painted blind.”
― William Shakespeare, A Midsummer Night’s Dream

#To be loved is the stuff of the ages, the poets of old and the stories they told.

#To be loved

Image from englishwithatwist.com

To be loved by a puppy is cute, then they grow into those mischievous brutes

#To be loved

Image from hijosypadres.wordpress.com

To be loved by a child is a joy to cherish, til they hit teens and then they vanish

#To be loved

Image from de.dreamstime.com

To be loved by an audience is great for the ego, but they go home at the end of the show

#To be loved

Image from blogs.ft.com

To be loved by a nation, as president or dictator, an election or uprising and it’s “see you later!”

#To be loved

Image from www.patheos.com

To be loved by a fiancée is sweet and delicious, to make it to the altar is so very precious

#To be loved

Image from www.slate.com

To be loved by your spouse years down the track, is a feeling to cherish to eternity and back

 

#To be loved

Image from www.jewelryshopus.com

I am so blessed.  I have known most of these – although I’m not aiming for president, but I can now honestly say that I am blessed to know that the lady I fell in love with and am now even more in love with, is still greatly enamoured with me.  She has known me for some years now, knows my considerable flaws, knows that at times I drive her nuts, I forget things, I probably keep her awake at night with my snoring, if not because of the worrying she does over the strife I get into, and yet, she loves me.

“You don’t love someone because they’re perfect, you love them in spite of the fact that they’re not.”
― Jodi Picoult, My Sister’s Keeper

How powerful and motivating is it to be loved?

The search for love through the ages has inspired acts ranging from incredible heroism to just as incredible acts of stupidity.  However, the desire to be loved the way I am loved is inspirational, motivational and incredibly empowering.  It is the true magic of the universe – of all the billions of people on this planet, I found the one with whom together forever is our reality.

There are many ways people can desire to be loved.  The flirtatious and frivolous one night stands or casual flings.  Sure, they may be fun for a time, but it’s like eating a packet of potato crisps – almost straight away, you feel hungry for something else.  Compared to a proper meal, there is no satisfaction, no comparison – it’s just an appetizer.

Another way to be loved is to have control over another, to demand their love and affection.  But demanding or commanding a person to love you denies them the opportunity to choose to love you and to express and to give love from the depths of their heart.  How could you know if this was what they felt, or only what you demanded?  It’s an ego trip by a heart very lacking in confidence and self-esteem, scared to take a chance on love when it is easier and safer to extort it.

A very popular way to be loved is to allow yourself to be a toy for others, to be subservient to their wishes.  But how would you know if they loved you, or were merely using you as a convenience?  Where is your security?  When they finish with you, what then?

To be loved by someone needy is scary.  Once their needs are fulfilled, what then?  Or will they ever be fulfilled?  And is it love for you, or fear from them that keeps them close?  There is no long-term tenure or happiness there either!

To be loved by someone freely, someone who knows all about you and still chooses to love you, chooses to be with you and commit to you totally, regardless of the consequences, trusting that as a team you can face the future together, that is the love to desire, when you desire to be loved.  This is the stuff of ages, known by the poets of old through the stories they told.

If this is not what you have in your life, sure, learn the tricks, learn what to say, read the books, get a puppy, but above all, become worthy of the love of the person you would desire to be loved by.  Do your bit.  Look in the mirror at your heart and soul.  Is what you see what you would expect the love of your life to become excited over?  Are you excited about you?

The first step is to fall in love with yourself – like who you are and be proud of what you have to offer.  Become attractive on the inside and let it overflow to the world around you.  People notice.  People will want to be near you, not necessarily to fall in love with you, but because it’s a great feeling for them, like a warm fire on a cold evening.  And somewhere amongst those people you may find the connection to the one you desire to be loved by.

When they arrive – be worthy of them.  Prepare for them.  Make it worth their journey, the journey they took, to be loved by the person they seek too.

Remember, they are just like you, another person, feeling alone, seeking to be loved by someone to love them down through the ages too.  Treat them as you wish to be loved.

My wish for you is to feel the blessing that I feel each morning as I wake to greet my day, my life and my wife, and again each evening as I give thanks for the day I have had, and say “Goodnight” to the one I so love to wake up with each morning!

If you feel this has been valuable to you, please share or reblog it for others to enjoy and gain from also.  Everyone deserves to be loved!

Til next time, fair winds and full sails!

Ray Jamieson

“I’m selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can’t handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don’t deserve me at my best.”
― Marilyn Monroe

 

Merry Christmas Wishes

Merry Christmas Wishes

#Merry Christmas Wishes

Merry Christmas Wishes to all!
Image courtesy of nyse-trade.com

“Then the Grinch thought of something he hadn’t before! What if Christmas, he thought, doesn’t come from a store. What if Christmas…perhaps…means a little bit more!”
― Dr. Seuss, How the Grinch Stole Christmas!

Who will you send Merry Christmas Wishes to this year?

Christmas has changed.  Looking around the world, and down through the ages where the legends of Saint Nicholas and the various other Christmas figures began, we grew up with a romanticized view of Christmas.  For some people, Christmas meant snow.  In Australia, New Zealand and South Africa, it was intense heat.  But always, the #Merry Christmas Wishes went out to people everywhere, mostly with a picture of a guy in a Santa Suit, en route from the North Pole with Reindeer pulling a sleigh of gifts for children all over the world.

Collecting the mail at Christmas time was exciting.  Checking the mailbox to see who had sent Merry Christmas Wishes to you, seeing who had replied to your Merry Christmas Wishes to them, and perhaps a parcel arriving, wrapped with string and a little bow….  That one HAD to go under the tree, until Christmas morning…

Some homes and probably most, had Christmas Trees, the lucky ones had real trees, some had pine tree branches, others had store-bought trees, and all were decorated for the occasion.

So what happened to our Merry Christmas Wishes?

#Merry Christmas Wishes

All the Christmas Cards
bouncingoffthewalls.ca

It seems that from when life sped up, computers made sending E-Cards easier and cheaper than the escalating cost of posting Christmas Cards, and the nuclear family scattered to all corners of the globe, that somewhere along the way, Merry Christmas Wishes lost their power and attraction.

Almost.  Those who have not lost themselves in the commercialism of Christmas and who have a family to share the occasion with may still have it.  However, a new type of Christmas Celebration has evolved; that of the Christmas Orphans.  Here, you are a person or perhaps a couple alone for this wondrous day of the year, perhaps working or living away in a city remote from family, or you no longer have family.  Your personal circumstances may not allow you to share Christmas Day with your birth family, for a variety of reasons, and your Merry Christmas Wishes have nowhere to go.

Then along came the Christmas Orphans parties.  Here, people in these situations arrange their own parties, often strangers until the day, but quite often, friends afterwards.  The parties are advertised either by venues, organisations, churches or individuals who want to host the party.  Most people bring something to contribute, and it’s a great day.  For some people, literally a life saver!  Christmas alone can be a challenge for some.

But for those for whom this is Christmas and no matter how much they enjoy the Christmas Orphans parties, there is often regret, even some remorse, for the situations in their lives that has brought them to this moment, when they have no family nearby to share their Merry Christmas Wishes with.

#Merry Christmas Wishes

The First Noel?

I regret the passing of Christmas and the commercialism it has now become.  Retail stores bank on the billions of dollars spent at Christmas time to shore up their balance sheets and make their profit and loss sheets acceptable, because consumer confidence around the world in recent years has been at an all-time low.  The televisions blast their “spend big at Christmas Time” message at ever decreasing intervals during the rubbish programs broadcast by the TV stations, because this is not a TV Ratings period and they can get away with broadcasting the same “Christmas Specials” they have used for the last decade.  I don’t know how many more times I can watch “The Griswalds”, “Polar Express”, “Uncle Buck” and the obligatory “Christmas Carols in the Park” broadcasts!  Fireworks displays are in every town and village centre, sometimes in many places throughout cities and towns; the signage is out but the spirit feels low.

Yes, I regret not having the family experiences we had as children for our Christmas each year.  We all have to grow up and create our own lives, I understand that.  But I miss the old spirit of Merry Christmas Wishes I grew up with.

Christmas for me was always about sharing with my loved ones, not trying to buy their loyalty or affection.  The Christmas Spirit, if it only comes out once a year, is a lie.  If it takes an event of this magnitude for anyone to say to another “I Love You”, then they are lying too.

Is there anything about the spirit of Christmas that should NOT apply EVERY day of the year?

#Merry Christmas Wishes

Family gathering at Christmas
Image from bathknightblog.com

Yes, perhaps one thing and it is purely logistical.  Christmas is a time of everyone gathering around to celebrate, but because we all have our own lives and homes, often separated from each other and from close family, we can’t see each other every day of the year.  However, if the gift giving and all those feel-good feelings towards one another are reserved for just that one day, then perhaps the spirit of commercialisation of Christmas has won, and the Old Christmas Spirit has gone forever.

During your Christmas celebrations this year, take a step back and observe yourself.  Are you expressing things to people that you would not share with them throughout the year?  Why is that?  Why can we not share these Merry Christmas Wishes type feelings every day of the year?

Will next year be different?

#Merry Christmas Wishes

Next Year?
fun-n-first.blogspot.com

What will make 2014 a better year than 2013 was?  What have you planned that will make the difference?  Nothing yet?  It’s getting late and certainly time to think about your New Years Resolutions, including something about the true Merry Christmas Wishes, and the spirit of Christmas of old, all year through!

I wish for you that the value of your presence to those you love is much greater than the value of your presents for them, and that the greatest gifts you share are those you have shared all year!  I send you my Merry Christmas Wishes too!

If you have found value in this post, please share or reblog it to your friends too.  Everyone deserves some true Christmas Spirit at least once a year!  Click here to get yours NOW!

Til next time, fair winds and full sails, and Merry Christmas Wishes!

Ray Jamieson

“My idea of Christmas, whether old-fashioned or modern, is very simple: loving others. Come to think of it, why do we have to wait for Christmas to do that?”
― Bob Hope

“Christmas, children, is not a date. It is a state of mind. ”
― Mary Ellen Chase

A Success Story

A Success Story

I always tried to turn every disaster into an opportunity. John D. Rockefeller
#Success Story

GOTCHA!                                   www.baldmarketing.com

Sometimes life sucks.  Sometimes, you can turn it around, massively.  This is Linda’s Success Story and how she turned her life around.

#Success Story

Lost her job!
www.thisismoney.com.au

When I met Linda, she was in her early fifties.  Her husband had just left her for a younger woman.  She had just lost her job because she was one of the 15,000 employees of the major employer in her city that had just closed down at short notice, and she arrived home to find that her rented house had been burgled.  The most prized possession stolen was her new laptop computer.

 

#Success Story

Oh no! Not burgled too?
archive.constantcontact.com

There wasn’t much else that anyone could take from Linda; broke, unemployed, burgled, abandoned by her husband and pretty upset with life.

However, Linda had already committed to working on a self development program.  It was scheduled to start just after all these disasters had happened in her life.

Linda’s Success Story was about to begin.

She arrived for the meeting and took lots of notes.  She had nothing much to go back home to, so there was nothing to lose by making a total commitment to her life change.  At the first program session, she decided as her goal, she wanted to get into a home of her own.  A pretty amazing goal when you consider her starting point.

#Success Story

Starting over again, more intelligently!
www.abcm.com.au

6 weeks later, Linda arrived for the first review session.  She had been working with other people on the program in the meantime for moral support, but as they had ‘normal lives’ and jobs and families to keep them occupied, she didn’t get anything more than that.

We asked for a “show and tell”.  After a small #success story from a couple of folks, Linda’s turn came.

“I bought my first house” she said, “and the contract settles on a second house in a fortnight!”

WOW!  We asked her how she did it and it was simple enough.  She was totally committed and decided to follow the goal setting program she had planned to the letter.  One of the program sessions was on how to buy property without a deposit, so she followed the steps exactly, twice!  It happened, each time, just as the program said it would!  Exactly as she planned in her goals!

When she told her son and daughter, both living away from her, they told her she couldn’t do it – it was impossible.  She told them she was lucky she didn’t ask them first, because by then, she had already ‘done the impossible!’

Of course, Linda was delighted with such a huge shift and change in her fortunes.  But her success story didn’t stop there.

When she applied for finance, she met a really nice guy, the mortgage broker.  Over the next six months, he became rather enamoured of this dynamic little lady, and they were married within the year.  Another plank in her success story – a new husband – infinitely more interesting than the one who abandoned her!

#Success Story

Never too late!
creativecouples.net

I had a phone call from Linda and Ron a while ago.  They were living in a home on the North Shore overlooking Sydney Harbour, with their four dogs.  They discovered they shared a love of dogs and walking the dogs daily was a treasured time for them.  They were calling to ask about purchasing a huge industrial property about 3 hours west of Sydney.  They already had 4 residential properties, each one paying for itself with the rent coming in, properties that they had purchased without a deposit according to the original plans, as well as the beautiful place they lived in on Sydney Harbour.  Now they were looking even further ahead with their success story!

A massive life change and success story after only two years!

What was Linda’s secret with her success story?  How did she do it?

First, she was totally committed.  Her life had been thoroughly cleaned out with that series of disastrous events and left her with nothing but the knowledge that she had to turn her life around – or starve!  She was totally committed!

Second, she had a plan and followed it.  At the program, much of which is now available in an online version as the “Life Change 90 program”, Linda chose her direction and set the goals she wanted to achieve.  She worked though the goals; she planned them carefully, then followed the plan.

Third, she had a supportive environment around her.  The program design with affirmations, self development, personal growth and confidence building sessions, as well as the mentors in the program, the benchmarks and nightly checking off successes, created an environment where she was congratulated either by the program benchmarks, herself with each evening’s review exercises, or the people around her; each provided moral and practical support.

That’s all she needed for her success story!  She demonstrated that all the excuses that most people put up as reasons for failure are just words!  No money, no job, no partner, no computer, these are just the excuses other people make for their failures.  Linda was a tiny lady in her fifties, with no money, no job, no close family and nothing but a good plan and determination to succeed.  And that’s all she needed!  She and Ron are living proof of it!

“Excellence is not a singular act, but a habit. You are what you repeatedly do.” Shaquille Oneal

The same program Linda used in her success story, to turn her life and her fortunes around is available to everyone, and you can start on your success story anytime you choose.  Anytime you choose to not accept your excuses any more…

#Success Story

Hmmmm! What’s next?
www.beliefnet.com

What you need is a program that teaches you to set goals, provides the success strategies and habits to support the goals, and the motivation and commitment to do it!  A success story is available to you now.  It’s available to everyone now.  Get yours here!

If you have gained value from this post and feel others would benefit also, please share or reblog it for them.   Let’s add some more value to this world!  A success story should be available to everyone!

“Success is a state of mind. If you want success, start thinking of yourself as a success.”
Dr. Brothers

Til next time, fair winds and full sails,

Ray

Associated Links: 

Commitment to your goals and yourself

The value of a structured program

The Life Change 90 Program

 

 

A Prayer for today

A prayer for today

“Prayer is the key of the morning and the bolt of the evening”  Mahatma Gandhi

#A prayer for today

What a way to start the day!
lareception.wordpress.com

Prayer is the key of the morning and the bolt of the evening.

Mahatma Gandhi

Read more at http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/quotes/m/mahatmagan133480.html#UY71llSRowjXlHc5.99I’m a writer.  I have always been a writer. From time to time in this blog, you will find some spiritual writings, maybe some poetry, and occasionally some Australiana, all either experienced or inspired by events in my life at some time.

I’m a writer.  I have always been a writer.  From time to time through my blogs, you will find posts on spirituality, mostly from my book “Lessons of Life”.  You will also find some poetry occasionally, and even some Australiana stories!  All these have been inspired by events or situations in my life, from where I have taken a lesson and been inspired by what happened.  There will also be many more of my regular posts on self development, lessons I have learned and taught since I began in the 1990’s, some taken from The Executive Mastermind, some developed for specific purposes or clients.

My first books came out 2 decades ago; the verse below is probably the single page of which I am most proud.  It is from the book “Lessons of Life“, a collection of spiritual stories that, when I had a question, I would let fall open and read my answer from the page.  It was uncanny how inspirational and accurate it was.

This was a period early in my time of self development and personal growth, when I was still struggling with some of the concepts of spirituality and personal growth that I now know are integrated into my life, things I have been learning, and more importantly, teaching, for the last two decades.  I wrote this verse back then, and in those days, I had a diary, a large folder from which I worked and kept my business appointments from.

This verse was in that folder and I read it aloud to myself, night and morning.  I’m glad I did.  It’s who I am now.

“There is a voice in the Universe urging us to remember our purpose for being on this great Earth. This is the voice of inspiration, which is within each and every one of us” Dr Wayne W Dyer

#A prayer for today:  A prayer for every day!

#A prayer for today

Nicely done!
www.dreamyoga.com

Today, My Perfect Day

A day that I could begin by being of service to another, to start their day also with inspiration and love.

A day when I could plan and begin projects – dreams that could take all of my tomorrows to complete.

A day I would live as though it was my last, as though there would be no tomorrow.

A day when I would play the games I play to the limit,

To laugh as hard as I can,

To love as passionately as I am able,

To work and achieve to my capacity,

yet with time to rest and relax with my loved ones

until we are full of the love we have for one another.

A day when there is time to reflect,

To consider those whose fortunes have not yet been realised, as mine have,

To pray that they may be realised – soon.

A day which closes with a Prayer of Thanks to the Great Spirit and all the guides I have,

for watching over me through this day,

and to ask them to guide me through the next,

so that again someone might say:

“I’m glad that you came by!”

© Ray Jamieson 1993

I hope you enjoyed a prayer for today.  I do believe that this verse, created during a dark period of my life from some inspiration that came from I knew not where at the time, created a solid spiritual foundation in my life.  From these foundations came all the other spiritual and teaching works that I have delivered over the years, and provided the compass by which I steered, mostly.  Only when I strayed did I find myself in trouble, and this, a prayer for today and every day, helped me back, each time.

I hope it works for you too.

If you feel “A Prayer For today” has helped you, been of value to you and could possibly help others, please share it, reblog it, tweet it and generally spread the word.  If a prayer for today helps just one other person, that makes at least two, and it’s certainly been worthwhile.

Thank you.

#A prayer for today

No matter how big your sails!
www.modelyachting.com

Til next time, fair winds and full sails,

Ray Jamieson

 

How to win an argument

How to win an argument

“A man convinced against his will, is of the same opinion still!”  Benjamin Franklin

#How to win an argument

You really want to win this argument?
Courtesy of www.theguardian.com

How to win an argument?

YOU CAN’T!

What happens when you beat someone down into agreeing with you, just for the sake of stopping the argument?

Losers don’t get mad, they get even!  That’s right; you just make enemies for the future!

So, #how to win an argument, really?

You must understand what goes on in someone’s mind while they are having an argument, or when they are angry or upset or afraid, and learn to work with it, harness their emotional state, so they can be better people and work through the issue.  Only then, do you learn how to win an argument.  And it’s not by winning the argument!

What DOES go on in someone’s mind while they are angry?

To understand this, you need to understand a little basic psychology – it will only take about a minute.

When someone is angry, fearful, upset, sad, depressed, terrified or even just bored, their mind is not in a state where rational thought is possible for them.  All they can do is react to stimuli.  That’s right, like an animal!  They are operating from the reactionary part of their mind, the old animal part, the part that was there when we were a species living in caves, frightened of the dark and sabre toothed tigers.  We HAD to react, to survive.  In effect, this part of the brain is survival territory, where the only instincts are fight, or flight!

How is this valuable, when all you want to know is how to win an argument?

#How to win an argument

blub, blub, blub…
Courtesy of www.stthomasblog.com

If you picture someone who is in one of these states, imagine that they are underwater.  You have to raise them up, so they can breathe, hear your question and respond.  Underwater, all they can do is thrash about, trying to survive.

How do you raise the mind up from those depths?

Ask it a question.  It really IS that simple.

Not any question.  “How’s the weather down there?” might not get the right response.

But if you are arguing with someone, or they want to argue with you, here’s a question that will work:

“HOW can WE sort THIS out?”

There is a VERY specific structure to this question.

An argument has two sides, both adversarial, against each other.  “You did it!”  “I did not!”  And never the twain shall meet, because they are both down in that animal survival instinct area.

But when you ask “HOW can WE sort THIS out?” you have triggered something that the mind is programmed to respond to.  The first part is WE.

#How to win an argument

WE are sorting THIS out!
Image from www.last.fm

Rather than adversarial combatants, you have just grouped yourself with them on a team of two, against THIS, the subject of the argument.  You introduced a third-party to the discussion, and put yourself on-side with them, against this third-party.  That third-party, the issue, is now a problem you work on solving, together!

And you asked a processing question, HOW.  The mind cannot process while down in those depths, so it comes up – sometimes only for a moment, but it comes up to process, into a state of mind where it IS rational, where it CAN respond intelligently, and think about a genuine answer to your question.  However fleeting, you got their mind up to where it can process.

What is THIS part of the mind?

This is where the emotions of interest, exploring, asking, and leading up to enthusiasm, happiness and bliss are found.  This is where people get enjoyment out of creating, communicating, playing, enjoying doing things.  And the lower levels of this, around interest and asking, is where you raised the level of their state of mind to by asking a question.

It may almost immediately seem to sink into the depths again.  Be encouraged that you got it to move the first time.  Try again.  Ask “WHAT can WE do to fix THIS up?”  And again:  “HOW can WE resolve THIS ISSUE?”

Their mind is now processing all those questions, the more you ask them, up to a point of course, the more they need to process them.  However, the mind can’t be in two places at once.  It can’t remain angry about THIS ISSUE while processing questions about it, and their anger will subside enough for a rational, if still heated discussion to take place.

Key point 1:  How to win an argument is not how to win an argument, but how to raise the emotional tone of the person’s mind so that you can communicate with them, rather than just get reactions from them.  Do this by asking HOW, WHAT, WHERE, WHEN to get them processing.

#How to win an argument

All in this together!
Image from suvendubabu.blogspot.com

Key point 2:  How to win an argument is not how to win an argument, but how to work with the other person to resolve an issue.  When you put WE into your question, you join forces with them.

Key point 3:  How to win an argument is not how to win an argument, but how to stop being the focus of their anger, and put the focus on the issue!  Play the issue, not the person.  Make the issue the protagonist, to recipient of their energy, not you.

Where to from here?

If you learn to use this language pattern in your everyday communications, you will have many fewer arguments.  #How to win an argument will no longer be an issue – this is a negotiation technique superior to anything else out there, because it prevents the argument happening!  When you find a discussion descending into those depths, your adept use of questions will quickly bring it back up and resolve the issue, whilst you maintain your relationship…

Think back – how many times would this have solved a problem, or prevented an argument for you?

To learn this way of thinking, and to create your own supportive environment around you to encourage this to become your natural language, it’s worth looking at a structured program to assist you to develop it.  Check out this blog.

Or check out the Life Changing program here.

If you know other people who want to know how to win an argument, or who you feel would find this post valuable, please reblog it or share it with them.  Let’s add some more value to this world!

Til next time, fair winds and full sails!

Ray

“We can not solve our problems with the same level of thinking that created them” ― Albert Einstein

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