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Merry Christmas Wishes

Merry Christmas Wishes

#Merry Christmas Wishes

Merry Christmas Wishes to all!
Image courtesy of nyse-trade.com

“Then the Grinch thought of something he hadn’t before! What if Christmas, he thought, doesn’t come from a store. What if Christmas…perhaps…means a little bit more!”
― Dr. Seuss, How the Grinch Stole Christmas!

Who will you send Merry Christmas Wishes to this year?

Christmas has changed.  Looking around the world, and down through the ages where the legends of Saint Nicholas and the various other Christmas figures began, we grew up with a romanticized view of Christmas.  For some people, Christmas meant snow.  In Australia, New Zealand and South Africa, it was intense heat.  But always, the #Merry Christmas Wishes went out to people everywhere, mostly with a picture of a guy in a Santa Suit, en route from the North Pole with Reindeer pulling a sleigh of gifts for children all over the world.

Collecting the mail at Christmas time was exciting.  Checking the mailbox to see who had sent Merry Christmas Wishes to you, seeing who had replied to your Merry Christmas Wishes to them, and perhaps a parcel arriving, wrapped with string and a little bow….  That one HAD to go under the tree, until Christmas morning…

Some homes and probably most, had Christmas Trees, the lucky ones had real trees, some had pine tree branches, others had store-bought trees, and all were decorated for the occasion.

So what happened to our Merry Christmas Wishes?

#Merry Christmas Wishes

All the Christmas Cards
bouncingoffthewalls.ca

It seems that from when life sped up, computers made sending E-Cards easier and cheaper than the escalating cost of posting Christmas Cards, and the nuclear family scattered to all corners of the globe, that somewhere along the way, Merry Christmas Wishes lost their power and attraction.

Almost.  Those who have not lost themselves in the commercialism of Christmas and who have a family to share the occasion with may still have it.  However, a new type of Christmas Celebration has evolved; that of the Christmas Orphans.  Here, you are a person or perhaps a couple alone for this wondrous day of the year, perhaps working or living away in a city remote from family, or you no longer have family.  Your personal circumstances may not allow you to share Christmas Day with your birth family, for a variety of reasons, and your Merry Christmas Wishes have nowhere to go.

Then along came the Christmas Orphans parties.  Here, people in these situations arrange their own parties, often strangers until the day, but quite often, friends afterwards.  The parties are advertised either by venues, organisations, churches or individuals who want to host the party.  Most people bring something to contribute, and it’s a great day.  For some people, literally a life saver!  Christmas alone can be a challenge for some.

But for those for whom this is Christmas and no matter how much they enjoy the Christmas Orphans parties, there is often regret, even some remorse, for the situations in their lives that has brought them to this moment, when they have no family nearby to share their Merry Christmas Wishes with.

#Merry Christmas Wishes

The First Noel?

I regret the passing of Christmas and the commercialism it has now become.  Retail stores bank on the billions of dollars spent at Christmas time to shore up their balance sheets and make their profit and loss sheets acceptable, because consumer confidence around the world in recent years has been at an all-time low.  The televisions blast their “spend big at Christmas Time” message at ever decreasing intervals during the rubbish programs broadcast by the TV stations, because this is not a TV Ratings period and they can get away with broadcasting the same “Christmas Specials” they have used for the last decade.  I don’t know how many more times I can watch “The Griswalds”, “Polar Express”, “Uncle Buck” and the obligatory “Christmas Carols in the Park” broadcasts!  Fireworks displays are in every town and village centre, sometimes in many places throughout cities and towns; the signage is out but the spirit feels low.

Yes, I regret not having the family experiences we had as children for our Christmas each year.  We all have to grow up and create our own lives, I understand that.  But I miss the old spirit of Merry Christmas Wishes I grew up with.

Christmas for me was always about sharing with my loved ones, not trying to buy their loyalty or affection.  The Christmas Spirit, if it only comes out once a year, is a lie.  If it takes an event of this magnitude for anyone to say to another “I Love You”, then they are lying too.

Is there anything about the spirit of Christmas that should NOT apply EVERY day of the year?

#Merry Christmas Wishes

Family gathering at Christmas
Image from bathknightblog.com

Yes, perhaps one thing and it is purely logistical.  Christmas is a time of everyone gathering around to celebrate, but because we all have our own lives and homes, often separated from each other and from close family, we can’t see each other every day of the year.  However, if the gift giving and all those feel-good feelings towards one another are reserved for just that one day, then perhaps the spirit of commercialisation of Christmas has won, and the Old Christmas Spirit has gone forever.

During your Christmas celebrations this year, take a step back and observe yourself.  Are you expressing things to people that you would not share with them throughout the year?  Why is that?  Why can we not share these Merry Christmas Wishes type feelings every day of the year?

Will next year be different?

#Merry Christmas Wishes

Next Year?
fun-n-first.blogspot.com

What will make 2014 a better year than 2013 was?  What have you planned that will make the difference?  Nothing yet?  It’s getting late and certainly time to think about your New Years Resolutions, including something about the true Merry Christmas Wishes, and the spirit of Christmas of old, all year through!

I wish for you that the value of your presence to those you love is much greater than the value of your presents for them, and that the greatest gifts you share are those you have shared all year!  I send you my Merry Christmas Wishes too!

If you have found value in this post, please share or reblog it to your friends too.  Everyone deserves some true Christmas Spirit at least once a year!  Click here to get yours NOW!

Til next time, fair winds and full sails, and Merry Christmas Wishes!

Ray Jamieson

“My idea of Christmas, whether old-fashioned or modern, is very simple: loving others. Come to think of it, why do we have to wait for Christmas to do that?”
― Bob Hope

“Christmas, children, is not a date. It is a state of mind. ”
― Mary Ellen Chase

Passion

Passion

#PASSION

Image from manifestedharmony.com

What is passion?

If you look at passion in the dictionary, you find a technical description – a deep, overwhelming emotion, or with religious connotations…  However, there is another, far more important way to understand #passion.

“The true soldier fights not because he hates what is in front of him, but because he loves what is behind him.”
― G.K. Chesterton

Passion is fuel!

When you set a goal, without the fuel for the journey the achievement of that goal requires, you will fail!  Passion provides the fuel.  No passion?  Don’t waste your time.

Passion creates commitment.

Why do we commit to something?  Commitment is a dedication to a course of action for a particular reason.  There are only two reasons, the base emotions of fear and desire.

If you are in fear for your life and running will save you, then you will run!  Fear is an incredible motivator.  However, once you are clear of the danger, most likely you will run another few metres and STOP!  However, the passion, the fear, the overwhelming desire to save your life gave you the commitment to run, to get you out of the danger.

#PASSION

Image from www.withoutwax.tv
Fear motivation!

The flip side of passion is the desire you can have.  It can be an incredible motivator and empower you to perform amazing feats, many which may have seemed impossible beforehand.  The passion of love has inspired so many stories, from Romeo and Juliet and tales of love and heroism down the centuries, to current real life stories of what people will do for love.  That is a passion that provides an undying source of energy to continue the struggle, the journey, no matter what the cost.

#PASSION

Image from mubi.com
Eros Love and Passion

There is the passion of greed.  That passion the fuels the gambling industries, a hunger for money, the willingness to gamble everything on the belief that they know which way the dice will roll.  Losing doesn’t stop them either, unless they lose it all.  Sometimes though, they are so passionate in their hunger and greed, that their addiction overwhelms common sense and reason.  They borrow to continue gambling, even though they know the odds are stacked against them.  No obstacle will shift them from their journey, they are committed.

#PASSION

Image from www.jesus-is-savior.com
Mother Theresa and friend

There is the passion for a cause.  Mother Theresa had this level of passion.  In the streets of Calcutta in India for half a century, Mother Theresa battled poverty, cultural beliefs, politicians, greed, corruption and natural disasters to feed hundreds of thousands of the Indian underprivileged and to raise them from their poverty.  Not for personal gain, but because she believed in what she was doing.

There is the passion for the feeling of success, of achievement against odds.  The feeling that only comes when incredible obstacles have been achieved.  Experiences that mountain climbers and other elite athletes are almost addicted to.  They regularly do what most people would consider foolhardy or outright suicidal, just for that feeling of success, elation, of achievement, at completing the challenge and winning.

The passion for a life, a rounded, complete and happy life, with family, friends and the security of knowing that life is good in your own little circle of friends, family, loved ones, with money, food, shelter and all the necessities and some of the luxuries that you believe makes life worthwhile.  This is where ordinary folk are to be found, going to work each week for 5 or 6 days, to earn money to pay the bills that the cost of a life such as this generates.  The rewards for their toil are the family and community they create.

There are other people who are touched by an inspirational unrest, who set higher personal goals to raise themselves from the ordinary to extraordinary levels.  These people have a passion for a particular something of their own.  Perhaps it is art – hence we find many struggling artists creating masterpieces that no-one yet appreciates.  Writers often fall into this category, so many struggling and unknown authors.  Inventors, free thinkers, entrepreneurs.  So many people are affected by this inspirational unrest.

The goals are not always critical to the survival of the person, though they complete and satisfy that person.  They feel whole because of their goal, or the journey towards it.  Perhaps it’s a study of ancestry where you dedicate hours per week searching ancient texts and documents looking for clues to your own family history.  It may be a savings goal to purchase something you really desire, a car, engagement ring, your own home, or a yacht, motorcycle or a dream to travel and explore the world.

The goal itself doesn’t matter.  What matters is your passion for it.  No passion, no drive, no commitment; no success is possible.

Passion is not a crazed race to the end. 

#PASSION

Image from scrubsmag.com
Until forever…..!

Passion can be a slow burning fuel that smoulders and provides energy from deep within for many years, as well as the passion of the honeymoon.  Young newlyweds exhibit the passion of “Eros” love, wild, romantic and fervent lust for satisfaction.  However, it’s called a honeymoon because it doesn’t last.  The passion must transmute to the “Agape” form of passionate love for it to last the distance of the vows “Until death do us part”…  And so it is with all goals.  The initial excitement gives way to a deep and powerful drive, fuelled by the passion for the goal.

If your goal bores you, it’s not a goal, it’s a chore!  If what you do excites you, it drives you and inspires you to look forward to it each and every time you are there; you have passion and a life of excitement and challenge!  With passion such as this, failure will never be an issue for you.  From time to time you will have setbacks, you will rethink your strategies but you will never consider quitting.

#PASSION

Image from www.cloudsoftwareprogram.org
Bit of an obstacle!

When working towards your goal, if an obstacle occurs and you cease striving for it, there are only a couple of reasons why you stopped.  The obstacle has little to do with it.

Firstly, you were not passionate enough.  If you had the passion, you would continue to try, to the extent you might go crazy, broke or worse in your attempts to succeed and to look for other ways to get there.

Second possible reason for failure is that you either tried to do it alone, uneducated, unresourced and/or without a plan.  You may not have known how to clarify your goal, so that you were actually setting the goal of your passion, not just a step towards it.

Goals must be clear, well-defined, tested to be certain they are what you need, then put into a structured plan for their achievement.  This process ensures you have the right goal, the resources and the passion for it.  You just need to turn up for it then with your passion, and with your plan, the goal will be yours sooner than you ever thought possible.

What if you don’t feel passion for anything?

You just haven’t discovered your passion yet.  Some people never do.  However, if you really want to live your life, not just be there when it happens, set a goal to experience enough diversity within your life to discover what you do feel passion for.  Whether that passion you discover is for another person, a cause, a craft or any of the multitudes of things people do that excites them.  There will be something – find it; feel the passion that makes life worthwhile.

If you have no other goals, no other passions, make your goal the goal to discover your passion.  In doing so, you will discover the reason, the answer to the eternal question, of why you are here!

“The saddest people I’ve ever met in life are the ones who don’t care deeply about anything at all. Passion and satisfaction go hand in hand, and without them, any happiness is only temporary, because there’s nothing to make it last.” ― Nicholas Sparks

If you have gained value from this post and feel others would benefit also, please share or reblog it for them.   Let’s add some more value to this world!  Passion should be available to everyone!  Get yours here NOW!

Til next time, fair winds and full sails,

Ray

“Passion. It lies in all of us. Sleeping… waiting… and though unwanted, unbidden, it will stir… open its jaws and howl. It speaks to us… guides us. Passion rules us all. And we obey. What other choice do we have? Passion is the source of our finest moments. The joy of love… the clarity of hatred… the ecstasy of grief. It hurts sometimes more than we can bear. If we could live without passion, maybe we’d know some kind of peace. But we would be hollow. Empty rooms, shuttered and dank. Without passion, we’d be truly dead.”
― Joss Whedon

A Success Story

A Success Story

I always tried to turn every disaster into an opportunity. John D. Rockefeller
#Success Story

GOTCHA!                                   www.baldmarketing.com

Sometimes life sucks.  Sometimes, you can turn it around, massively.  This is Linda’s Success Story and how she turned her life around.

#Success Story

Lost her job!
www.thisismoney.com.au

When I met Linda, she was in her early fifties.  Her husband had just left her for a younger woman.  She had just lost her job because she was one of the 15,000 employees of the major employer in her city that had just closed down at short notice, and she arrived home to find that her rented house had been burgled.  The most prized possession stolen was her new laptop computer.

 

#Success Story

Oh no! Not burgled too?
archive.constantcontact.com

There wasn’t much else that anyone could take from Linda; broke, unemployed, burgled, abandoned by her husband and pretty upset with life.

However, Linda had already committed to working on a self development program.  It was scheduled to start just after all these disasters had happened in her life.

Linda’s Success Story was about to begin.

She arrived for the meeting and took lots of notes.  She had nothing much to go back home to, so there was nothing to lose by making a total commitment to her life change.  At the first program session, she decided as her goal, she wanted to get into a home of her own.  A pretty amazing goal when you consider her starting point.

#Success Story

Starting over again, more intelligently!
www.abcm.com.au

6 weeks later, Linda arrived for the first review session.  She had been working with other people on the program in the meantime for moral support, but as they had ‘normal lives’ and jobs and families to keep them occupied, she didn’t get anything more than that.

We asked for a “show and tell”.  After a small #success story from a couple of folks, Linda’s turn came.

“I bought my first house” she said, “and the contract settles on a second house in a fortnight!”

WOW!  We asked her how she did it and it was simple enough.  She was totally committed and decided to follow the goal setting program she had planned to the letter.  One of the program sessions was on how to buy property without a deposit, so she followed the steps exactly, twice!  It happened, each time, just as the program said it would!  Exactly as she planned in her goals!

When she told her son and daughter, both living away from her, they told her she couldn’t do it – it was impossible.  She told them she was lucky she didn’t ask them first, because by then, she had already ‘done the impossible!’

Of course, Linda was delighted with such a huge shift and change in her fortunes.  But her success story didn’t stop there.

When she applied for finance, she met a really nice guy, the mortgage broker.  Over the next six months, he became rather enamoured of this dynamic little lady, and they were married within the year.  Another plank in her success story – a new husband – infinitely more interesting than the one who abandoned her!

#Success Story

Never too late!
creativecouples.net

I had a phone call from Linda and Ron a while ago.  They were living in a home on the North Shore overlooking Sydney Harbour, with their four dogs.  They discovered they shared a love of dogs and walking the dogs daily was a treasured time for them.  They were calling to ask about purchasing a huge industrial property about 3 hours west of Sydney.  They already had 4 residential properties, each one paying for itself with the rent coming in, properties that they had purchased without a deposit according to the original plans, as well as the beautiful place they lived in on Sydney Harbour.  Now they were looking even further ahead with their success story!

A massive life change and success story after only two years!

What was Linda’s secret with her success story?  How did she do it?

First, she was totally committed.  Her life had been thoroughly cleaned out with that series of disastrous events and left her with nothing but the knowledge that she had to turn her life around – or starve!  She was totally committed!

Second, she had a plan and followed it.  At the program, much of which is now available in an online version as the “Life Change 90 program”, Linda chose her direction and set the goals she wanted to achieve.  She worked though the goals; she planned them carefully, then followed the plan.

Third, she had a supportive environment around her.  The program design with affirmations, self development, personal growth and confidence building sessions, as well as the mentors in the program, the benchmarks and nightly checking off successes, created an environment where she was congratulated either by the program benchmarks, herself with each evening’s review exercises, or the people around her; each provided moral and practical support.

That’s all she needed for her success story!  She demonstrated that all the excuses that most people put up as reasons for failure are just words!  No money, no job, no partner, no computer, these are just the excuses other people make for their failures.  Linda was a tiny lady in her fifties, with no money, no job, no close family and nothing but a good plan and determination to succeed.  And that’s all she needed!  She and Ron are living proof of it!

“Excellence is not a singular act, but a habit. You are what you repeatedly do.” Shaquille Oneal

The same program Linda used in her success story, to turn her life and her fortunes around is available to everyone, and you can start on your success story anytime you choose.  Anytime you choose to not accept your excuses any more…

#Success Story

Hmmmm! What’s next?
www.beliefnet.com

What you need is a program that teaches you to set goals, provides the success strategies and habits to support the goals, and the motivation and commitment to do it!  A success story is available to you now.  It’s available to everyone now.  Get yours here!

If you have gained value from this post and feel others would benefit also, please share or reblog it for them.   Let’s add some more value to this world!  A success story should be available to everyone!

“Success is a state of mind. If you want success, start thinking of yourself as a success.”
Dr. Brothers

Til next time, fair winds and full sails,

Ray

Associated Links: 

Commitment to your goals and yourself

The value of a structured program

The Life Change 90 Program

 

 

A Prayer for today

A prayer for today

“Prayer is the key of the morning and the bolt of the evening”  Mahatma Gandhi

#A prayer for today

What a way to start the day!
lareception.wordpress.com

Prayer is the key of the morning and the bolt of the evening.

Mahatma Gandhi

Read more at http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/quotes/m/mahatmagan133480.html#UY71llSRowjXlHc5.99I’m a writer.  I have always been a writer. From time to time in this blog, you will find some spiritual writings, maybe some poetry, and occasionally some Australiana, all either experienced or inspired by events in my life at some time.

I’m a writer.  I have always been a writer.  From time to time through my blogs, you will find posts on spirituality, mostly from my book “Lessons of Life”.  You will also find some poetry occasionally, and even some Australiana stories!  All these have been inspired by events or situations in my life, from where I have taken a lesson and been inspired by what happened.  There will also be many more of my regular posts on self development, lessons I have learned and taught since I began in the 1990’s, some taken from The Executive Mastermind, some developed for specific purposes or clients.

My first books came out 2 decades ago; the verse below is probably the single page of which I am most proud.  It is from the book “Lessons of Life“, a collection of spiritual stories that, when I had a question, I would let fall open and read my answer from the page.  It was uncanny how inspirational and accurate it was.

This was a period early in my time of self development and personal growth, when I was still struggling with some of the concepts of spirituality and personal growth that I now know are integrated into my life, things I have been learning, and more importantly, teaching, for the last two decades.  I wrote this verse back then, and in those days, I had a diary, a large folder from which I worked and kept my business appointments from.

This verse was in that folder and I read it aloud to myself, night and morning.  I’m glad I did.  It’s who I am now.

“There is a voice in the Universe urging us to remember our purpose for being on this great Earth. This is the voice of inspiration, which is within each and every one of us” Dr Wayne W Dyer

#A prayer for today:  A prayer for every day!

#A prayer for today

Nicely done!
www.dreamyoga.com

Today, My Perfect Day

A day that I could begin by being of service to another, to start their day also with inspiration and love.

A day when I could plan and begin projects – dreams that could take all of my tomorrows to complete.

A day I would live as though it was my last, as though there would be no tomorrow.

A day when I would play the games I play to the limit,

To laugh as hard as I can,

To love as passionately as I am able,

To work and achieve to my capacity,

yet with time to rest and relax with my loved ones

until we are full of the love we have for one another.

A day when there is time to reflect,

To consider those whose fortunes have not yet been realised, as mine have,

To pray that they may be realised – soon.

A day which closes with a Prayer of Thanks to the Great Spirit and all the guides I have,

for watching over me through this day,

and to ask them to guide me through the next,

so that again someone might say:

“I’m glad that you came by!”

© Ray Jamieson 1993

I hope you enjoyed a prayer for today.  I do believe that this verse, created during a dark period of my life from some inspiration that came from I knew not where at the time, created a solid spiritual foundation in my life.  From these foundations came all the other spiritual and teaching works that I have delivered over the years, and provided the compass by which I steered, mostly.  Only when I strayed did I find myself in trouble, and this, a prayer for today and every day, helped me back, each time.

I hope it works for you too.

If you feel “A Prayer For today” has helped you, been of value to you and could possibly help others, please share it, reblog it, tweet it and generally spread the word.  If a prayer for today helps just one other person, that makes at least two, and it’s certainly been worthwhile.

Thank you.

#A prayer for today

No matter how big your sails!
www.modelyachting.com

Til next time, fair winds and full sails,

Ray Jamieson

 

How to win an argument

How to win an argument

“A man convinced against his will, is of the same opinion still!”  Benjamin Franklin

#How to win an argument

You really want to win this argument?
Courtesy of www.theguardian.com

How to win an argument?

YOU CAN’T!

What happens when you beat someone down into agreeing with you, just for the sake of stopping the argument?

Losers don’t get mad, they get even!  That’s right; you just make enemies for the future!

So, #how to win an argument, really?

You must understand what goes on in someone’s mind while they are having an argument, or when they are angry or upset or afraid, and learn to work with it, harness their emotional state, so they can be better people and work through the issue.  Only then, do you learn how to win an argument.  And it’s not by winning the argument!

What DOES go on in someone’s mind while they are angry?

To understand this, you need to understand a little basic psychology – it will only take about a minute.

When someone is angry, fearful, upset, sad, depressed, terrified or even just bored, their mind is not in a state where rational thought is possible for them.  All they can do is react to stimuli.  That’s right, like an animal!  They are operating from the reactionary part of their mind, the old animal part, the part that was there when we were a species living in caves, frightened of the dark and sabre toothed tigers.  We HAD to react, to survive.  In effect, this part of the brain is survival territory, where the only instincts are fight, or flight!

How is this valuable, when all you want to know is how to win an argument?

#How to win an argument

blub, blub, blub…
Courtesy of www.stthomasblog.com

If you picture someone who is in one of these states, imagine that they are underwater.  You have to raise them up, so they can breathe, hear your question and respond.  Underwater, all they can do is thrash about, trying to survive.

How do you raise the mind up from those depths?

Ask it a question.  It really IS that simple.

Not any question.  “How’s the weather down there?” might not get the right response.

But if you are arguing with someone, or they want to argue with you, here’s a question that will work:

“HOW can WE sort THIS out?”

There is a VERY specific structure to this question.

An argument has two sides, both adversarial, against each other.  “You did it!”  “I did not!”  And never the twain shall meet, because they are both down in that animal survival instinct area.

But when you ask “HOW can WE sort THIS out?” you have triggered something that the mind is programmed to respond to.  The first part is WE.

#How to win an argument

WE are sorting THIS out!
Image from www.last.fm

Rather than adversarial combatants, you have just grouped yourself with them on a team of two, against THIS, the subject of the argument.  You introduced a third-party to the discussion, and put yourself on-side with them, against this third-party.  That third-party, the issue, is now a problem you work on solving, together!

And you asked a processing question, HOW.  The mind cannot process while down in those depths, so it comes up – sometimes only for a moment, but it comes up to process, into a state of mind where it IS rational, where it CAN respond intelligently, and think about a genuine answer to your question.  However fleeting, you got their mind up to where it can process.

What is THIS part of the mind?

This is where the emotions of interest, exploring, asking, and leading up to enthusiasm, happiness and bliss are found.  This is where people get enjoyment out of creating, communicating, playing, enjoying doing things.  And the lower levels of this, around interest and asking, is where you raised the level of their state of mind to by asking a question.

It may almost immediately seem to sink into the depths again.  Be encouraged that you got it to move the first time.  Try again.  Ask “WHAT can WE do to fix THIS up?”  And again:  “HOW can WE resolve THIS ISSUE?”

Their mind is now processing all those questions, the more you ask them, up to a point of course, the more they need to process them.  However, the mind can’t be in two places at once.  It can’t remain angry about THIS ISSUE while processing questions about it, and their anger will subside enough for a rational, if still heated discussion to take place.

Key point 1:  How to win an argument is not how to win an argument, but how to raise the emotional tone of the person’s mind so that you can communicate with them, rather than just get reactions from them.  Do this by asking HOW, WHAT, WHERE, WHEN to get them processing.

#How to win an argument

All in this together!
Image from suvendubabu.blogspot.com

Key point 2:  How to win an argument is not how to win an argument, but how to work with the other person to resolve an issue.  When you put WE into your question, you join forces with them.

Key point 3:  How to win an argument is not how to win an argument, but how to stop being the focus of their anger, and put the focus on the issue!  Play the issue, not the person.  Make the issue the protagonist, to recipient of their energy, not you.

Where to from here?

If you learn to use this language pattern in your everyday communications, you will have many fewer arguments.  #How to win an argument will no longer be an issue – this is a negotiation technique superior to anything else out there, because it prevents the argument happening!  When you find a discussion descending into those depths, your adept use of questions will quickly bring it back up and resolve the issue, whilst you maintain your relationship…

Think back – how many times would this have solved a problem, or prevented an argument for you?

To learn this way of thinking, and to create your own supportive environment around you to encourage this to become your natural language, it’s worth looking at a structured program to assist you to develop it.  Check out this blog.

Or check out the Life Changing program here.

If you know other people who want to know how to win an argument, or who you feel would find this post valuable, please reblog it or share it with them.  Let’s add some more value to this world!

Til next time, fair winds and full sails!

Ray

“We can not solve our problems with the same level of thinking that created them” ― Albert Einstein

Commitment Phobia

#Commitment Phobia

image from news.cision.com

“The quality of a person’s life is in direct proportion to their commitment to excellence, regardless of their chosen field of endeavor.” Vince Lombardi

What is Commitment Phobia?

You know THAT GOAL you set?  Yes, that one.  How serious are you about it?  How committed are you?

Pretty serious?  Fairly committed?  Really serious?  Fair dinkum?  Really….?

OK, no more stories – give me a number.

On a scale of 1-100, how committed are you to achieving THAT GOAL?

No reasons, no stories.  Just give me the number.

Is your number 100?

Congratulations, you ARE totally committed!

Is it less than 100?  If so, why bother with that goal?

Do you have what is called Commitment Phobia?

“If you deny yourself commitment, what can you do with your life?”  Harvey Fierstein

If your car broke down on the side of the road and someone stopped and offered to help, but you said, “OK, but can I finish this carton of beer first?” what do you think their response would be?

Something like:  “Well, if you are not serious about getting home, then I see no reason to put myself out to help you!”

It’s a bit like that with goalsetting, the Universe, and the “Laws of Attraction”…

The guy kneeled beside his bed and prayed:  “Lord, please help me to win the lottery”.  He prayed for hours, night after night.

After a while, God must have become frustrated with him…  The loud voice boomed:

“At least you could help me to help you.  How about buying a ticket?”

Are you giving yourself EVERY chance to win, to succeed at your goalsetting?  Or are you asking your God, Angels, Guides or whoever you pray to, to do all the work for you?  It doesn’t work that way.  You have to at least have the ticket, to play the game and have a chance of winning!  Spectators don’t win games, only the players in the arena get to stand on the podium!

#Commitment Phobia

Let me think about this a bit more!
Courtesy of www.inspirationalexaminer.com

Commitment Phobia is a funny term.  It is often used to refer to guys who want to ‘play the field’ and not tie themselves down to any one lady.  (Trust me guys, when you get it right, commitment to THE lady is INCREDIBLE!)

However, commitment is a vital part of life, and anything less than total commitment to the task at hand can get us into a lot of trouble!

As a child, I worked with my Dad on our farm.  One day we were using a large steel rope to drag logs around.  Dad’s words were profound and powerful to me as a 9 year old.  I still find they apply every single day!  He said:

“Get a good, strong grip on that rope, like you were going to choke it!  If you don’t give it everything, it will twist out of your hands and hurt you!”

WOW!  How often has THAT happened?  The wire rope could have been that incredible person you met, who you let slip by because you didn’t call them back, or you didn’t think you were good enough….  It could be that job opportunity that went begging because you didn’t get your application in on time because of the weekend BBQ, or you were late to the interview.  Perhaps it was the great job you lost, because you got lazy in it and someone passed you by on the corporate ladder.  Ouch, every time!

How committed were you to all these things, or did you have a form of #commitment phobia standing in your way.  Did you get complacent?  Did you let self-doubt give you commitment phobia?  If it’s important enough, what would you NOT do, to succeed at something that meant everything for you?

#Commitment Phobia

Row, or stay all at sea!
futuresteve.wordpress.com

For those who believed in the inevitability of the ‘middle aged spread’ and other aging myths, who have let their bodies go a little, how serious are you about your health?  Again, give me a number, 1-100.  Anything less than 100, I have to ask, why?  You only get one chance per lifetime to have a healthy body.  Just ask those folks who have been stricken with some crazy and challenging illness that they struggle with daily, just to stay alive!  If you asked them how committed they are, with their last remaining ounce of energy they would bop you.  They don’t have commitment phobia – they cannot afford it!

Neither can you!

Commitment Phobia is a creeping disease.

You begin with a rush of enthusiasm, but it wanes after a while.  Then you begin to find excuses.  Then you realise that it no longer matters, or you tell yourself it doesn’t matter.

#Commitment Phobia

Mother and toddler – love them always.
tipstoahealthy-relationship.blogspot.com

I worked with a guy called Michael who reached a whopping 350 pounds weight, 160 kilograms.  He changed jobs 3 times because he couldn’t physically do the work, before he had his wake-up call.  I asked him why it took severe diabetes and his doctor warning him that he was liable to drop dead at any moment, to stop and rethink his life.  He said that it just crept up on him, a few pounds at a time, and he just kept buying bigger clothes, cars and getting easier jobs until one day, a bicycle shop owner next door to his workplace smiled at him when he walked in the door.  He asked him why he smiled, and he was told that it was almost impossible for him to buy a bicycle to fit him, so what else was he looking for in there…..!  OUCH!  Off to the doctor!

He became committed.  He committed to his life, to his wife and to his toddler daughter…  Within 2 years, he was riding in triathlons, in what is called the “Clydesdales” class, the class dedicated to men over 200 pounds or 90 kilograms weight.  He has since completed a Hawaii Iron Man and has a trophy cabinet to be proud of.  And he has no commitment phobia!  He cannot afford it – diabetes is there, waiting to pounce on him any time he wavers.

#Commitment Phobia

Triathletes at work!
www.picstopin.com

Do you have commitment phobia?

Think about your goals and dreams.  Give yourself a number on them.  If it is less than 100, ask yourself seriously, why you set THAT GOAL.  If it really IS a serious goal or a critical issue for you, then there is a way to get totally committed and shake off that commitment phobia.

Find a way to be passionate about your goals!

Michael thought of his wife and baby girl, and got passionate about life again.  What will make YOU passionate about YOUR goals?  In the Life Change 90 program, you learn about finding your passion, and about redefining your goals so that you live and breathe them and you are excited to get out of bed for them each day.  It takes that sort of passion to guarantee success in achieving your goals.

New Years Resolutions usually have only an 8% success rate, and average goals get as low as 3% success, with partial success around 15%.

If it’s important to you, an 8% chance of success is not good enough.  It MUST be a total commitment, or nothing at all – put your time into something else….

Why is passion vital to overcome commitment phobia?

#Commitment Phobia

www.ankurbakhshi.info
Goethe’s famous quote on Commitment

Because if there is a solid and compelling enough reason for WHY, you WILL find a HOW to achieve that goal.  When failure is just not an option, then you will find a way.

Passion is a powerful driver, but it also pays to work smart, too!  Banging your head against a wall, no matter how passionate you are, will still give you a headache!  Having a success formula to plug into and a supportive environment to work in while going for your dreams is a huge bonus for those with passion.  It gets the goal a lot faster too.  Get your Success Formula HERE NOW!

“Unless commitment is made, there are only promises and hopes; but no plans” Peter F Drucker quotes 

To overcome commitment phobia, check out these blogs, on Systemizing Personal Development and Success Habits.  Leave commitment phobia behind and make your next year your best year yet!

Til next time, fair winds and full sails,

Ray

 

Self Confidence

Self confidence – a function of knowing what you are doing, knowing that you are good at doing it, and knowing the task will be successful.  It’s in your own knowing that you will succeed.

“Believe you can and you’re halfway there.” ― Theodore Roosevelt
#Self Confidence

Of course I can fly!
upwithlifecoaching.com

Recently I wrote about Self Esteem; it has much in common with Self Confidence, but there are significant differences.

Self Esteem is feeling good about you.

Self Confidence is feeling good about your ability to perform in a given situation and knowing you can handle it.

I once gave a talk to a large group and a question around Self Confidence came up.  When asked how it was I could talk so easily in front of so many people, my reply caused a ripple of laughter.  I said “If you were the nursing mothers association, and I was giving a talk on breast feeding, I wouldn’t feel quite so confident!”

When you look at it, I’d have been talking on a subject I knew next to nothing about, to a group of people who were the acknowledged experts.  Both of these are key areas of potential failure – failing because I knew so little, and then being called out by people who knew so much.

Did I have a self confidence problem because I knew I’d fail if I was talking to a Nursing Mothers group?  No, not at all, because I knew I was already good at what I did when in my chosen environment.  I had a confidence benchmark, because I already knew I could speak confidently on my own topics.  It’s not my place to lecture people in their areas of specialty.

“Success is most often achieved by those who don’t know that failure is inevitable.” ― Coco Chanel, Believing in Ourselves: The Wisdom of Women

From there, we can look at how to gain self confidence.  How do you develop self confidence?

Firstly, look for what you are good at.  Doesn’t need to be a major skill set, start small, regardless of whether you are actually a master at something.  Can you tie your shoelaces?  OK.  Can you tie them in a perfectly even bow?  Great.

#Self Confidence

I can tie my shoelaces!
Image from marriagehelp.com

Look at what you have just said about yourself.  You have manual dexterity and an eye for detail.  Where else can you apply those skill sets?

This is the beauty of understanding yourself and getting a little tutoring in self development – your lessons teach you that being good in one area automatically means you are good at other things too – you don’t need to go try everything out to learn that!  You can be CONFIDENT about it, without ever doing it!

The key to self confidence: because you can do one thing well, it means you can also do other things well!  Your skills and abilities are transferable between tasks and challenges.

I hear the Nay-Sayers:  “But there are things I am hopeless at!  Can’t I feel bad about not being good at something?”

That’s your choice, but I’m not going there.  You see, there are things I’m hopeless at too.  Keep me away from a filing cabinet – you don’t want me filing for you!  Not my skillset.  I could lose every important document you ever had in quick time.  But I wouldn’t feel bad about it; because I know it’s not my thing.  I have a filing system arranged for me here, and instructions on what to do with it.  The main file I use is called, wait for it:  DATA ENTRY REQUIRED!  And not by me!  My self confidence doesn’t get dented just because I know I can’t file papers.  Other people can, so they do it.  I don’t.  It’s that simple!  I am no rocket scientist and that doesn’t concern me either.  Nor am I a botanist, although I love looking at flowers.  I just look; it’s close enough and safer for the plants.

#Self Confidence

Filing? What, me?
www.1staccessservices.co.uk

See the emerging picture?  Leave the things alone that you don’t have to do, or are not good at.  Find someone who can handle what you can’t.  But pour your heart and soul into what you can do well and feel great about it.  Another secret to self confidence, let the good feelings about what you do well, the self confidence feelings, overflow into the rest of your life!

Here is a classic example of a downward spiral in self confidence.

Billy is at work and messes up a contract.

#Self Confidence

YOU BLEW IT!
www.ehow.com

The boss bawls him out over it and the whole of the office hears it.  The people he supervises now wonder about him and he feels their eyes boring into him.  The end of the day comes and he escapes to the sanctuary of home, where he reluctantly tells his wife about his humiliation.  She is all comforting and makes him a nice dinner, then they put the kids to bed and she says “Come to bed and make love with me….!”

Up to that point, he was starting to recover, but now, he has to perform again and his mind suddenly goes back to the session with the boss, and he has already been humiliated once today, over his work performance!  He pours himself another drink and decides to watch TV instead.  One humiliation a day is enough for our Billy!  Bad move, Billy!

Self confidence can spiral both ways.

#Self Confidence

I GOT THE CONTRACT!
2findtrueluv.blogspot.com

Billy could have thought about all the things he was good at, and perhaps considered that his boss was also having a bad day and that was why the loud voices, rather than the regular quiet discussion over the contract.  He could have decided that one mistake doesn’t a failure make, told his wife about it and celebrated with her that he was thinking of a way to regain that contract next day.  After an evening of loving and nurturing with his wife, and a great sleep afterwards, he could go into work next day with enthusiasm and inspiration to pick up the phone and win that contract back…

The lesson from this is that our attitude and the self development environment we create around ourselves plays a huge part in our self confidence.  If we choose to be in an environment where goals are set each day, where our achievements are celebrated every day, where positive self talk is the norm, and where we review and reflect on our day every evening with a view to setting up tomorrow for success also, then an occasional flop is only going to create a great campfire story, rather than a downward spiral into depression.  Creating this type of environment is actually a choice you can make at any time.  If you choose not to surround yourself with positivity and celebrations of your successes, what ARE you choosing as your environment?

If your self confidence is important to you, then creating an environment that fosters self confidence is critical for you.

How do you create such an environment, which builds and multiplies your self confidence?

Start your Self Confidence Boost Program HERE NOW!

Check out this page on Success Habits and perhaps the recent blogs on Self Esteem and Self Development Tips.  They will show you the way to a whole new world to live in, one where you get to be King or Queen – which ever you choose!

Til next time, fair winds and full sails!

Ray

Self Esteem

“If you make friends with yourself you will never be alone.” ― Maxwell Maltz
#Self Esteem

Yep, that’s me!
Courtesy of www.blisstree.com

My last blog on Self Development Tips was from the Life Change 90 Blogsite.  I promised to follow on with how to create great Self Esteem and here it is, the two ways to develop Self Esteem.

Self Esteem

There are really only two ways to develop a feeling of high self esteem, unless you were born into a naturally nurturing environment, where you were brought up to feel good about yourself from early childhood.  If that is you, then congratulations – spread the goodwill, if not, these are the other two ways.

The first way to build high self esteem.

As a teenage guy, I had all the insecurities that most other teenage guys had, and I had a few more that many didn’t have!  I lived miles from town, had little social interaction outside of school, was taller than all my classmates and a lot bigger, although I was fit and strong without being overweight.  I always came top of my class right through school and was a champion athlete; I was ridiculed heaps for these – mostly by those who envied those attributes.  However, the ridicule struck, and stuck, went to the bone.

At the ripe old age of 18 years, I asked one of my mates, one of the ones who had a queue of girlfriends, why he had luck with the girls and I had none.  Wasn’t I good looking enough?

His answer, coming from the heart of the true friend he was to me, stayed with me for the next 15 years.  He said:  “You are a ruggedly handsome looking sort of guy.  Don’t worry, it will happen…..!”

In that instant, I associated ruggedly handsome with being unlucky in love, a poor communicator with women, and everything else negative that I was experiencing.  I suddenly realised how much I didn’t like being ‘ruggedly handsome’…

Life went on.  I left the family farm I grew up on and bought my own, married, had a son, divorced, lost a business, started another, became very successful at making people wealthy after rescuing them and their businesses from the stock market disaster in 1987.  Life was great, I was powering, had money, everything, but despite all this I still didn’t like me.

In 1989, I began some self development work on me.  I had to – I was a machine at work, ruthlessly despatching banks to the scrap-heap in getting better deals for my clients, hard-nosed negotiations, precision calculations, strategies, but utterly devoid of fun or interest in life and living.  I was great at what I did, but at living, I sucked badly.

In this self development program, something triggered a switch in me.  I took stock of what I had achieved, what I was doing and what I was capable of.  I looked at the amazing people around me, people who considered us to be friends, people who respected me, and it started to do things to me, in my head, stuff I had never felt before.  I was successful, I had so much credibility with the people I worked with, I mixed with globally significant figures in business and was developing a significant business profile in my own right.

I had an epiphany.  I got out of bed one morning after a period of these unsettling thoughts and emotions (what were they?) and when I looked in the mirror, it was like I looked at a different person.  I suddenly said “You’re OK!  I’m OK!”

I suddenly realised that what my dear friend said all those years ago was absolutely wrong for me.  It was just his well-meaning words at the time, trying to ease the concerns of his good mate, who wasn’t getting lucky with the girls.  That wasn’t me.  If it was back then, it certainly wasn’t now.  In that instant, I got to like me, like what I was, what I did, what I stood for and I started to feel again, starting with feeling good about me!

The epiphany came about because I had been forced, by this self development work, to start looking at and taking stock of my life and coming to realise that I was actually an OK guy, doing some great stuff!

This was the hard way to develop self esteem.  It might just as easily have gone the other way – if I didn’t like what I found in my stocktake, it might have gone very differently.

#Self Esteem

This was me – without the dress!
courtesy of pregoandtheloon.wordpress.com

But there is an easier way.

The second way to guarantee high self esteem.

In the 1960’s, a guy called Maxwell Maltz is reported to have said at the launch of one of his books, ‘confidence and self esteem is built from repeated experiences of success’.

Therefore, if you consciously place yourself in situations where you will, or are likely to have repeated experiences of success, then your self esteem and confidence will grow.  It must grow!  The trick is knowing where that place is!

The reality is that it’s not hard.  The concept of goalsetting within a self development program is what is required.  Creating an environment that nurtures and supports you, with affirmations in the environment, daily counting of successes, setting them up as little goals in the morning and checking them off each evening, checking your moods each day, learning to be aware of them and finally to anticipate and set them consciously, all of these elements build to a powerful self esteem, based on actual successes and personal growth within you.

#Self Esteem

This was REALLY me!
Courtesy of www.lifedaily.com

You can build self esteem accidentally like I did, and hope that after some time (I took 15 years!) you will realise you are OK too, and you always were.  Or you can step into a framework that does it all for you.  It’s possible.  Check out this blog on why you should systemize personal development, or even here, about why bother with personal development.

Twenty years on, much has evolved to enable you to consciously choose the outcomes that I stumbled upon, and fortunately landed in a good place.  Some folks from those times didn’t make it and unfortunately ended up well away from where they wanted to be.  As teens, we admired and envied some of our mates but now, I see that much of what we envied got those guys into serious trouble fitting into and creating a life of success.

There are better ways.  And they all require good self esteem!

If you enjoyed this blog and value the message, please share it and reblog it.  Who knows what a difference it could make in someone else’s life!  To start your new life, with a healthy dose of Self Esteem, start HERE!

Til next time, fair winds and full sails.

Ray

“You can always find the sun within yourself if you will only search.” ― Maxwell Maltz
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